Love, Lied and Lost...

I'm scared

I'm okay.... then why do I feel like that? Why can't I just be happy for once? Why is it always so hard? Don't say im too harsh stop saying you're scared of me ! Just Stop! because im scared of everything, im scared to not be mature enough, I'm scared to never have a group of friends in Switzerland, I'm scared that he's gonna leave, that they're gonna forget everyhthing about me, I'm scared I'll never be able to be happy, I'm scared of saying what I think cause people always just say I'm too sensitive that I react to fast, I'm scared of gaining more weight, I'm scared of being alone, I'm scared of not being able to fight anymore, I'm scared that someone's gonna die, I'm scared of disappointing people, I'm scared of not being good enough, I'm scared of never seeing them again, I'm scared to loose everything, I'm scared of not being able to say no, I'm scared of letting go, but I'm scared to hold on, I'm scared of letting you in, I'm scared of trusting to easily, I'm scared of them going away because I don't trust easily, I'm scared of ending up alone, I'm scared he'll never accept who I love, I'm scared that he'll never accept me, I'm scared I'm not gonna accept myself, I'm scared to go back there, I'm scared of not being able to play, im scared of not being strong enough to not fail,'m scared of needing to much attention, I'm scared that if I don't seek for help I won't make it, but I'm scared of them thinking I'm weak, I'm scared they won't understand, I'm scared they'll understand too much, I'm scared to say I love myself, I'm scared of not loving myself enough, I'm scared to say I'm proud, I'm scared of every move I make, I'm scared of every thing you say, I'm scared of not being able to speak up, I'm scared of how they look at me, I'm scared to face them, I'm scared of never getting back up, I'm scared of every fucking thing I do!

So how can you be scared of me? how can you say you were intimidate at first, when I can't even say two words without regretting them as fast as they came out, how can you say I'm confident when every time I say I like something about myself, I cry myself to sleep hating something even more, how can you say I'm smart when most of the time I feel like I'm just completely stupid, how can you say I'm kind when I know I hurt so many people, how can you say I'm inspiring when I can't even help my own family, how can you say I'm unique when I feel like I get lost every second in a place I don't know and I'll never know, how can you say I'm strong when I can't even keep myself from crying every night, how can you love me when I don't even fucking appreciate myself??!!

I just want to be okay... because I'm scared of myself.

And you were scared too...

from a Black Bubble