Love, Lied and Lost...

Even if

It's been a month we're together, a month you help me, a month you're my drug... But I feel like you're pulling away and it scares me, cause I don't know how I'm suppose to feel, and even though you said that your parents didn't want you to, I can't help but I ask myself what if it's you? What if you didn't want to see me? What if you had enough of me? I know you said we would spend our life together, said that you love me... But I have trust issues, I have a broken heart... And I can't help but feel like you're gonna leave me, like everyone ends up doing... (NDA: I know babygirl, you won't leave me... ❤️) What if it was that? What if I annoyed you? I get mad so easily, cause I really love you and it scares me, cause I feel like if you leave I would fall apart. I'm hurt but you won't know, I cried, and I still do. Because I'm lost, I don't know how im supposed to feel, and im just trying to get everyone around me to be happy, and it just seems like I can't. I just can't do anything anymore, I can't focus at school cause my mind is elsewhere, and even when im with you, I get lost in my thoughts until someone shakes me back to reality... But what if I just want to get lost and to not find my way back? What if I am trying my best to get lost? A month... That's how long you kept me from being broken, but as you pull away, I just drown one more time in that ocean of sad tough... Don't feel bad about it, well you can't even worry cause you're probably going to sleep right now... And like every night you won't text me saying goodnight, and like every morning ill be the first to text... For even if you say we love each other just as much, I still feel like I love you more, maybe not much, but enough to try and always keep the conversation going... Because not talking to you scares me, because what if something happened to you and I couldn't be there? I do love you, and I think I always will a bit... But what can I say ? I'm just really scared that you'll leave me when you see me like I see myself. We have 57 days left together... it's so little, but I want to make things work and you told me you want that to... But how are we suppose to make long distance work, if we can't even make a it work now...? I know you feel bad about not paying enough attention to me, and you always say I deserve better, but fuck off... I dont want better! I dont want anyone or anything else! If I wanted something else, if I didn't love you so much why would I be with you? Dont you dare say that you dont deserve me, you know what? If you think that then why dont you try your best to make you feel like you do deserve me? That's why I text you every morning, every night.... Every day... To make sure you're okay, to  make sure you know that you're not alone. You can always call me or text me... I'll always be here for you even if we're not together anymore, I want you to know you'll still be able to call me, or to ask for help. A piece of my heart will always be yours, so please never forget that ill be here if you need me too, I'm not going anywhere. Even if im sleeping, even if im working, even if I'm in class... I'll always find a way to be here for you, because you're my priority. You and only you. Goodnight.... Even tho I know you'll never read that unless I ask you too. 

From a Black Bubble.