Book II: 41 I can forgive you but...

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Unedited!!!

Unedited!!!

Unedited!!!

Warning: Grammar errors and misspelled words may be encountered.



Gabriella Cassandra's POV

I woke up feeling exhausted and drained. The first thing I noticed was the place  that has everything but white, gray and brown. Flashback of what happened between me and Alexander earlier came. It hits me that I again became transparent and let my guard down. I thought I am fine and done from recovering but the truth hurts that I am still affected. 

I slowly sat up and hug my knees. Tears are slowly falling. I made a deep sigh. I felt so weak, especially that I realize something...

The door opened and Alexander came in, "hey..."

I immediately wiped my tears and look at him. I saw emotions of loneliness, worried and hurt in his eyes. What can I do, I felt the same way, too.

"How do you feel now?" he asked.

"Medyo okay na. Salamat sa pagdala sa akin dito. Kailangan ko na umuwi." Akma akong tatayo na pero napigilan niya.

"You can stay here all night. Take a rest, you don't look good." Kasalukuyan kaming nasa pad na karugtong ng opisina nito sa VGRM. Lahat ng boss ng VGRM ay may narugtong na pad sa kanilang opisina. Marahil ay sobra ngang workaholic ang mga ito para maglagay ng fancy bedroom next to their offices.

"I can manage..."

"I know but you are still pale and--"

"Alexander, please. kung gusto mo talaga bumawi. Tulungan mo akong huwag mapalapit sayo. Because it's killing me." ani ko na halos maubos na ang lakas ko. I am no longer the tough Gab anymore. I am literally begging him to stay away.

"I can't, mi amore. I can't do that. Please, ask anything pero huwag mo naman ako pakiusapan lumayo sayo. I cannot afford to lose you now that you are here. Please, Gab." He touches my cheeks and wipe my tears. his other hand holding my other hand.

"I can't... I'm sorry, Alexander. I am better without you..."

"No! No, Please don't say that. I am willing to do anything. Please, Gab, forgive me." His tears are now trying to escape. He is kissing my hands. "I made the most terrible mistake of  my life ng paniwalaan ko ang iba tao laban sayo. I regret every day knowing I lost the woman like you. That I should listen to you. Mali ko. Kasalanan ko, lahat ng sakit at hirap na pinagdaanan mo kasalanan ko. And I swear If I could turn back those time I will definitely choose you and hold you like no tomorrow, Gabriella. Kung bibigyan ako pagkakataon na balikan lahat---lahat lahat. Babalikan ko ang araw na nakilala kita. at ang araw na takot na takot ka. Ako dapat ang nagligtas sayo, ako dapat ang yayakap sayo. Ako lang Gab, ako lang. Kasalanan ko lahat. And I am sorry.

Im too foolish and evil. nang malaman ko ang lahat i did everything. Pinakulong ko si Monica. Ilan beses kong binugbog ang mga nanggago sayo pero alam ko hindi sasapat dahil ka na mababalik sa akin. And now, Gabriella, huwag mo naman hilingin na pabayaan ko lang mawala ang oras na to. I love you, Gabriella. I love you so much." kinulong niya ang mga kamay ko sa kamay niya at pinaghahalikan iyon.

"And I still love you, Alexander," I wipe his tears and smiled. "I just realized na hanggang ngayon ikaw pa din. pero hindi na talaga pwede."

"Please, please don't say that..." umiiyak na sabi nito.

"I'm sorry. Hindi na talaga pwede, Alexander. Dahil lalo kitang minamahal lalo din lumalim ang sugat at takot ko. And magiging unfair ako sayo kung ipipilit ko ang hindi pwede. Hindi ko na kayang mabuhay na kasama ka, Alexander. I love you but my fears are stronger than my love."

"No, I can't accept that." umiiling na sabi nito. His arms wraps around my waist. yumugyog ang balikat nito tanda ng samu't saring emosyon at pagiyak. "No, Gabriella, I love you. Please, give me chance. Please... I'm sorry. forgive me"

Nakikisabay ang sarili ko. I cried, too. Pero hindi ko na pwede ipilit ang dati. I tried to have intimate relationship and commitment to other guys I met but nothing went succesful. They said I am frigid and like Ice. I found out that there was nothing wrong to these men I met but something is wrong with me. I cam no longer trust a guy at hindi ko kaya ang pakiramdam na hinahawakan ako ng iba tao lalo na kung lalake at hindi related sa business. I have issues na hindi na maalis sa sistema ko. 

"Look, I forgive you. but I'm sorry, too We can't be together, Alexander. I can't. Hindi ko kaya magtiwala. Hindi ko kaya magbigay ng pagmamahal. I had several relationships and everything went failed dahil madami akong hindi kayang ibigay. And now, alam ko mahal pa din kita pero hindi ko kaya. Gusto kong maging fair sayo. hindi kita kaya ikulong sa relasyon na alam ko masasaktan lang tayo pareho."

"Then, lets try... Don't just give up."

"Alexander, ginawa ko lahat gusto mo dati. Sana ngayon, pagbigyan mo naman ako. Ayoko na. Please." pagmamakaawa ko. "Ayoko na sa tuwing magkasama tayo maghihinala ako. ayoko na tuwing hahawakan mo ako nakikita ko mga lalaking iyon. pagod na matakot, pagod na ako gumising sa gitna ng gabi na parang may nakatingin sa akin. Maawa ka naman."

Hikbi ang isinagot nito sa akin habang yakap pa din ako saka ako binitiwan at tumayo sa harap ko. He wipes his tears and look at me with determination.

"I can't lose you, Gabriella. Call me selfish but I will never give up."



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