Surrendering Sanity

I Say We Float Him

"Who are you..."

Darkened angry eyes starred back. Lips snarling. Blood painted across that freckled face like a symbol of war.

A symbol of madness.

Casey couldn't recognize herself anymore.

The scorned woman who gazed back from the small stream being a stranger. Or more concerning. Looking just like Erica Kane.

The young brunette had always carried her mother's features. A mirror image other than the darker tint to her mundane earthen hair. But it had always been strictly physical. Casey loving Erica but knowing how 'evil' she could truly be when she wanted. Had prided herself, in the fact she didn't carry that stain of wickedness.

It being something she had always found lingering in her mother's eyes.

Something she saw now shinning so clearly in her own it was terrifying.

"Damn you."

And the fact she was talking to herself right now only proved she was loosing her mind. Random spiteful tears rising to fill her eyes. Casey's hands fisting in the cool water below. Allowing the slow current to lick the crimson from her skin. Though in her minds eye the blood remained.

"Your dead."

The woman whispering this with accusation. The anxiety making every thought a blurred haze. Still. Multiple things running through her mind at once. All of their voices to loud to decipher from the next.

Chest imploding with devistation the brunette forced the tears into submission. Refusing to let them fall. Not knowing why she felt she needed to cry at all. Tears wouldn't save her. Not from what Casey feared she could become.

Like her mother. Heartless. Cruel. Calculating.

All good qualities to have, but put them together with a broken mind and it was catastrophic.

And that's what had killed her. Erica in the end incapable of love. To caught up in what she wanted for herself instead of seeing what she had.

Clarkes delema resurrecting old wounds as Casey saw it so clearly in that moment. Remembering how her mothers body had been sucked into space. Captured by oblivion.

Once she'd believed her mother was good. Once she had believed her father was as well. And herself. Now, well, she knew the lies for what they were.

"I won't end up like you! I'm better than this!"

Hate was a beast. And once it staked a claim you could never expel it. At least not completely. Feed that beast and it only grows. Until it's all that remains.

A large part of the brunette wanting to Surrender Sanity to that madness. Hate blinding you to any insecurities. The pain. Allowing you only the dark joy of peoples suffering.

A dark joy she craved desperately in that moment. It lingering in her heart.

But she refused to submit.

Casey having already lost that battle once and if it hadn't been for O she would still be lost now. The girl who had never meant to be born giving the scared freckled girl something to live for. Something to love.

Love had been enough for her then and it would be now. Even if she had to force it.

The woman's eyes squeezing tightly closed as she sucked in a deep breath through her nostrils. Attempting to steady herself. Steady her mind. But that knot wouldn't leave. And with that certainty something or even someone was doomed the anger wouldn't dissipate.