Surrendering Sanity

Desperate Calling

Everyone had worked tirelessly to construct what had been necessary for that desperate call. Casey Kane, having carelessly slept through it, stood beside her boys feeling rightfully shitty as she watch the flames soaring in the bleak night sky.

It had come down to this. Because of what she had condoned. And as Bellamy Blake was a presence that lingered just out of reach, Clarke's penatrating gaze burrowing a whole in her back. The brunette suspected with the information she had at the time that she'd do it again, if necessary. Even as guilt was slowly strangling her soul.

Bells jaw was tense, deep dread in his heart. It smoldering in those molten eyes that had seemed to grow darker than usual. A darkness not even the reflection of sky bound flames could brighten.

This wasn't something the brunette wanted to notice, but did none the less.

Casey had waited until the flairs had disappeared before turning away. Her mind in tandom, heart aching, and as worried pain shone so clearly in Monty's gaze when her hand had left his own, it made it all so much worse. Tears brimming ocean eyes silently she had dashed to the shadows. There being nothing else she could think to do. Seeking solitude as her mind wandered to fears for the people above.

Three hundred people could die. Their deaths only the beginning of what's to come. More death would follow, Casey knew this. With no oxygen there was nothing else to be done. Monty's parents were up there. Jasper's too. The working people would be the first to go.

But that didn't make her own father safe. Riots could be happening this very moment. The council would be the first to fall in that case. Abby Griffin's life being at risk a fact they knew for certain. Thanks to Raven.

They could all, honestly, already be dead.

Casey knew her mind tended to run over the worst possible things first but given her experiences since landing on Earth. Hell, her entire life. They were the only safe thoughts to have.

Things only going from bad to worse then all to shit again. Over and over.

She'd groaned in dismay. Her fingers going stiff for no damn good reason at all and so to keep them from locking up Casey decided to smack it irritable and rather viciously against the tree she'd been passing.

And when she'd felt nothing at all from the act, just a jarring in her elbow. All those tears the brunette had been fighting back came tumbling free once more. A pathetic noise escaping chapped lips as she crumbled to the forest floor.

Completely defeated.

Casey wasn't sure how long she'd sat there, numb as the dead and seeking the reaper. Needing the nothingness his embrace provided. A escape from the pain and heartache, a permanent remittance from joy. Because she didn't deserve it.

All those evil thoughts and voices laughed at her weakness. Mocking how pathetically selfish she'd become.

Then the very stars had began to fall.

Sapphire eyes rising to watch their decent as realization slowly dawned. That inescapable agony coiling its claws in her ribcage to squeeze mercilessly.

That beautiful display filling the sky, not being stars at all, but the dead she'd let perish.

***

His heart was going to explode. Their was no better way for Bellamy to explain the feeling of it. Utter and helpless terror taking over the moment he'd realized.

Octavia was gone.

He'd checked camp, twice, all the while the pounding in his ears had grown deafening. His palms sweeting as panic was a steady prickle in his spine pushing for supremacy.

Bellamy stayed in control, barely, needing to think. The last time he'd seen his sister being an entire day ago now, in the woods when they'd argued. Shame slammed the man like a physical blow at this realization. He'd been distracted, yes, but that was no excuse. Octavia was his responsibility.

She couldn't be lost.

As if to crush any hopes he was over reacting before they could form. A certain brunette rushed past Bellamy. Those puffy tear damp eyes glancing from here to their, the brunette threw open every tent she passed as she went. Piering in to scowl and then she was gone.

Refusing to panic the man's hands had clenched. And he'd resisted the urge to follow after her as instead Bellamy continued his own search. Jasper hadn't seen O and neither had Clarke. The blonde joking off his concerns at first only pissing the man off more as she'd taken to long to agree to help search.

*

Casey had been in Monty and Jasper's tent, her back to the door as someone had entered. The brunette feeling that opressing presence the man brought with him and paused.

Everything she could think to bring packed into the bag under her hands the woman had every intention of leaving with the search party tonight. Bellamy had been gathering every person able. And he hadn't asked her to come. Even as they both knew her tracking skills would be needed. It didn't matter.

Casey determined not to return until Octavia was beside her again.

"You couldn't find her either... Could you?"

"No..." That single word spoken with such raw emotion Casey found herself turning to face the man against her better judgement. Clear panicked concern breaking past the hardened expression of Bellamy's features. "You either."

It hadn't been a question, more a observation, and the brunette had merely shook her head. His discomfort making her want to ease his worries. A kindness he didn't deserve from her ever again persisting in Casey's heart.

"We'll bring her home."

That's all she could give. And it would have to be enough. The brunette slinging the bag over her shoulder with a air of finality. The bow he'd made her grabbed from the tables surface to bounce restlessly in her palm. Her other hand reaching down to caress the arrows held securely in the holster she'd made. Counting each one.

Their gazes had locked, briefly. Casey ignoring the tremors inside, raised her chin, and had purposefully  moved her eyes to the door behind the man.

He had to be terrified. As worried as the young Kane herself was she could only imagine a brothers fear to be so much more. And if that vulnerable look in Bellamy's darkened eyes was any indication that he needed her.

Well, Casey shouldn't care.