Winning The War; BOS 4

Antonio Doubts A Change

Antonio Masters

When the fist connected with my gut I gasped for air. "It's all your fault that she's dead you worthless piece of shit." My father growled. My eyes were watering.
Two days ago my mother was shot dead at a party. She got shot 5 times, no mercy given. Father blames me. I blame me. "Dad I'm sorry." I croaked in pain. He got back from Morocco yesterday and has beaten me over and over.
"Don't dad me. Your a sorry excuse of a person allow in your mother to be killed like that. I thought you were better than that. I thought you had trained to stop these things from happening." He yelled angrily as swung his fist.
I caught it before it connected with my face. He flipped me around and threw me against the wall where he knelt down and punched me in the face over and over. "Please dad. Stop. It's not my fault." I cry out through the pain.
"It is your fault and has always been your fault. Even since you were born I could tell you would bring bad luck. Now look. Your mother is dead because of you." He yells angrily.
"I'm sorry." I weep.
"You don't deserve the Masters name Antonio. You're a complete and utter disgrace. You're no son of mine and never will be." My father hissed lowly before standing and walking away. I lay on the ground tears falling down my bloodied face.
He's right. She's dead because of me. I'm a disgrace.

I wince at the memory. The day my father disowned me as a son. The day I felt useless to the world and began cutting myself. I needed to feel my pain. I had thought it would help but it was never did.
When I pull up outside the manor Crystal comes running out to meet me. She stops in her tracks. "Antonio have you been crying?" She asks softly but I shove past her.
"Where's Maddison?" She calls after me and I stop my foot placed on the bottom step.
"I don't give a shit. Go find her yourself. I kicked her out of the car after I saved her ass from being raped, tortured and killed. She just doesn't get what I do and why I do it. I have a fucked up life as well. It isn't just her." I snap without looking back before storming upstairs.
I slam the door of my room as I storm inside and walk straight to the bathroom where I punch the mirror causing it to crack and shatter, slicing open my knuckles. The shattered pieces rain to the floor and into the sink. I glared into what's left of the broken mirror, my reflecting deformed. With an angry sigh I pull out a bandage and clean my knuckles. I felt a twinge in my chest. Maddison always wrapped my wounds.
In one of my knuckles was a piece of mirror. Grabbing it I rip it out and bite my tongue to not cry out in pain. As carefully as I could I wrapped my hand and put the shards of mirror into the bin along with the pieces of mirror still on the wall.
"Antonio open the door." Alex yelled and bangs on my bedroom door.
I sigh and walk over, flinging it open with a scowl. "Oh thank god. I heard what you said to Crystal and thought you might attempt to commit suicide again." He says in relief.
The memory of the incident flashed through my mind and I sigh. "Nah. I punched a mirror instead." I say with a dry laugh which held no humor.
Alex looks at me sadly. My shoulders droop and I hang my head as I walk over to my bed and flop onto it. Behind me Alex walks in and shuts the door.
"That explains the bandage." He walks over and sits on the end of my bed.
"You can trust me Antonio. You know that." He says and I believe him. Yet this is something that must stay untold.
"I know and I do. It's just I don't know if you're ready to hear the full story. It isn't an easy story to tell." With a sigh I sit up and look at my friend.
"I understand. I'm still gonna be here for you. Even if it's just to have a coffee to get away. I'm here for you mate. Always have been and always will be." He pats my shoulder before heading to the door.
"She said the same thing. She said she'd always been there for me and always will be. Now where is she?.. She's dead." My voice broken and hurt. Alex looked at me over his shoulder.
"I wish I could do more to help you Antonio. I really do. But you're unhelpable. It was always Maddison who helped you in occasions like this. We could never help you. But she could and she never failed at it. From what I've seen and heard she had made you her personal mission." He says before leaving.
The loneliness hit me hard, like bullets to the chest. Maddison was always there for me when I really needed her. Now she's done something that makes me feel like a hollow eggshell, ready to break under the slightest pressure.
"You knew how much it hurt me. How could you do that to me Maddison? I trusted you with my life." My quiet sobs unhearable from outside the room and thank god. I can't have my friends see me like this.
I would risk my life to save hers and I knew she'd do the same for me.
After today I don't want to see her, to talk to her, to be around her. If there's a decision between my life and hers I would have picked hers. Now I'd pick mine. She can go date whoever she likes. She can do whatever she wants.
I no longer care.
She is no longer important and I doubt anything could possibly change that.