Always Doesn't Mean Forever: Book 2 (Severus Snape/student)

Chapter 13: Too Far

Remus's P.O.V.

    Leaning over the toilet again for the second time, I heaved and emptied my stomach of any contents left. I lifted back up and rested on my knees trying to get my breathing under control after flushing the toilet. My chest tightened the more I thought about it. Rocking slightly, with my arms wrapped around my stomach, I began to calm a little. I took steady breaths and closed my eyes, the bile threatening to rise again. Calm down Remus. Get ahold of yourself. I looked around the stall of the bathroom on the first floor of Hogwarts. The walls seemed to get smaller. Stumbling out of the stall, I made my way over to the sink and turned the cold water on. As I leaned on the porcelain, with my hands keeping me up, I stared into the mirror. The dark circles under my eyes, caused from my cycle being so close, had gotten even worse upon hearing the news. I splashed some water on my face and ran my hands through my hair. I glanced from the mirror to the door. Drawing my wand, I flicked it at the lock on the door causing it to slide and seal off the bathroom from anyone else. I needed a moment. For some reason i felt as if I were suffocating. I couldn't breathe. My collar closed in around my neck, or it felt that way, as I tugged at it. Getting annoyed, I slipped off the sweater and took a deep breath. I leaned back against the cool wall of the bathroom and let the coldness on my back calm me. I closed my eyes and tried to gather my thoughts.

    Twenty minutes ago I was at home, alone while tonks was at work, trying to prepare it for Alex's arrival in a few days. I'd decided on a tree this year and even some decorations. I wanted her to have the Christmas she'd always missed out on. With family. With someone who cared. Last year, as she opened her first Christmas present ever, I had never seen her smile so bright. I was so glad it was from me. I wanted  to give her that again this year. Especially after everything. I didn't know how much it would help, or if it even would, but I was willing to try anything. I was so worried. I haven't gotten a letter from her in months. The last time I saw her was almost a month ago exactly. I saw her fall apart. I knew something was wrong earlier as soon as that damn owl showed up at my window. At the sight of that blasted bird I'd known to expect bad news. Indeed it was no other than Dumbledore himself calling me to Hogwarts.

     Ten minutes ago I found out a girl, who I considered to be my own daughter, had attempted to kill herself. Sophie and Aaron's child had attempted suicide. I couldn't believe the words Albus spoke. I didn't want to. It wasn't that it shocked me; it was the fact that she was letting him win. A part of me was even angry at her. She couldn't let him win and that's exactly what she was doing! Not just that, but her act was selfish! What about Severus, or me, or Dumbledore? Did she even think of us?! Did she even care?! I know what it's like to lose everyone! I didn't kill myself! I lost everything I had in a matter of days! Everything! Everyone! If I can do it so can she dammit! 

    Anger surged through me as I threw my sweater back on and left the bathroom. Slowly I made my way to the infirmary and saw Madame Pomfrey standing over Alex with bandages in her hands. Looking around, I didn't see Severus, which surprised me. It was six o'clock so he wasn't teaching. Dismissing the thought, I walked over to Alex and the nurse. "Good evening Madame Pomfrey." She glanced up at me and gave me a small smile.

     "Good evening, Remus. What brings you hear today? Alex?"

     "As usual." She chuckled slightly.

     "It has become some what of a routine hasn't it?"

     "You could say that. How is she?" I looked down to a sleeping Alex who was covered in blood filled bandages.

      "Doing much better than a few hours ago. Her wounds are healing." As she said this she took off a bandage that hid small jagged cuts on her arm. "They were much worse when she came in, but her body is healing faster than most. Even with my treatment she shouldn't be doing this well."