Always Doesn't Mean Forever: Book 2 (Severus Snape/student)

Chapter 12: We All Played A Part

Severus's P.O.V.

     "This has gone on long enough Albus. It's been a month since what happened to the girl and Alex hasn't come out of her room in two weeks. Her grades are terrible. I'm ninetey-nine percent sure she isn't eating at all. Time I can understand she may need, but I'm worried and you should be too."

      "I always worry Severus." He said staring out of the window with his back turned to me.

      "Sure as hell doesn't seem like it!"

      "I agree it's been too long."

      "Well of course you would say- What?" The old wizard slowly turned to look at me.

      "I agree it's been too long."

      "Well... Yes, I know." I said straightening my robes.

       "Let's go get her."

       "She's changed the password. I can't get in."

       "Severus, I think sometimes you must forget, I am the Head Master of this school. I can get in any room in this castle if I wish. Come on." Albus walked out of the door of his office and down the stairs then steadily made his way to the dungeons. I'll never get over how this man looks when he walks. Like he's floating. It's rather unsettling how peaceful he is. Especially in times like this. As we approached the wall in front of her room my heart beat began to pick up. I didn't have a good feeling about this.

       "Alex." Albus said a little louder than he usually spoke. "Professor Snape and I are here. Open the wall, dear." I waited impatiently for an answer but in turn there was only silence. I watched as the old wizard took a deep breath and stood in front of the wall with his wand out. Slowly he ran it along the wall and I saw the opening form and got even antsier.

      "Alex I'm coming in!" I said as the wall opened just enough for me to slip through. When i got in her quarters and stepped in the living room the strange feeling i had grew. Something wasn't right. There was no light in the room at all. Everything was dark. Not even the fire place was lit. It was freezing. I heard Albus step in behind me and we both looked around at the neglected quarters for a moment. Dust covered most everything. It looked as if no one even lived here. Albus and I illuminated our wands at the same time and slowly began making our way down the hallway. "Alex?"

      "Alexandra?" Again no answer. I looked back at Albus before walking to her the door to her bedroom. I knocked and felt my chest tighten when I didn't even hear movement. Oh no... without thinking any longer I busted through the door. Alex was no where to be seen. I looked around and saw something that made my heart drop. Her guitar lay on the floor in a million pieces. shaking my head I ran to the bathroom door and knocked before busting it open after even more silence. I would never be prepared for what I saw before me. I could only stare. In front of me on the floor was the woman I loved more than anything. The floor was caked with dried blood along with her clothes, hair, and her. All up and down her arms, legs, and her stomach, that was showing, were cuts. I felt as if I may be sick as my heart slammed against my chest. "ALEX!" Dropping down beside her and taking her wrist in my hand I felt for a pulse. For a second I felt nothing then after a few moments there was the slightest little beat. "She's alive!"

     "We need to ge her to Poppy now." I watched as Albus walked from the room swiftly. I pulled myself together and picked Alex up, holding her close.

      "Come on, love... hold on." I walked as quickly as I could. Everything seemed a blur. I had passed Albus and made my way through the castle walking as quickly as I could. Then, not caring who saw, I picked my pace up to a run. I held Alex tightly and whispered to her as I ran. "You're going to be fine. Merlin Alex why have you done this..." I could barely see students stopping dead in their tracks to watch me. Alex was a sight at the moment. Covered in blood, with matted hair.

      "ALEX?!" Anyone, but this twit at the moment...

      "Out of my way Everett!" He moved aside, out of my path, but out of the corner of my eye I could see him running along my side.

       "Whats happened to her, Sir?!"

       "Mr. Everett I advise you start running the other way before I hex you into oblivion child!"

       "NO! What have you done to her?!" A low growl was all I could manage through the anger that flooded me.

        "Detention! Leave!" I warned as I ran through the door of the infirmary. "Poppy!" The old nurse looked up from her office and her eyes widened as she saw the lifeless Alex in my arms. She quickly bustled out of her office and over to me.

        "Set her on a bed." I did as instructed with Everett still following close behind me. My patience with this brat had worn thin quickly. I grabbed him by his collar and dragged him to the door.

       "HEY! Let go of me you greasy old git!" With another growl I threw him out of the door as Albus walked in.

       "Detention for a month Everret! With Filch! I don't want to see your face in this infirmary unless you're on the verge of death and preferably not then either!" I slammed the door in his now fuming, red face. I turned back to see Poppy running around the room collecting potions and pouring them in Alex's mouth. Dumbledore stood near the bed and watched closely.

      "How is she Poppy?" He asked with a slight hint of concern in his voice.

      "She'll make it, but she's lost a lot of blood. Albus, this girl was trying to kill herself I believe." As she said this she held up Alex's wrists. The cuts on them were considerably deeper and longer. I could feel my heart shatter in my chest. Why would she... Why couldn't she just come to me? I heard Albus sigh and saw him cross his arms.

      "Yes, I would say you're right Poppy.." After a few long moments of silence he spoke up again. "Christmas break is in three days. Will she be strong enough to leave the castle?"

       "I believe so. She'll be up and about in a day or two, but this girl will need to be monitored. She needs to be put on suicide watch, Albus." I couldn't listen to anymore. I could feel the newly fixed pieces of my heart breaking all over again. She tried to kill herself... I looked at Albus then Poppy and I knew I couldn't stay here any longer. I had to get out. I needed to breathe. My chest was tightening more and more by the minute. Albus and Poppy were talking but their words were drowned out by thoughts swarming my head. I couldn't save her. She wanted to die. I couldn't help. Its going to happen again. I'm going to lose her. I can't lose her! I won't! Before I knew it I had fled the infirmary and pushed Everett into the wall and out of my way. I didn't know where I was going. I just knew my feet were leading me somewhere. When I finally came to a stop I looked up at my surroundings and I couldn't help the small gasp that escaped my lips. I was standing in front of the Black Lake. Her spot. Where she comes to forget. To pretend everything is okay. Even just for a moment. I stood completely still for a few moments, not being able to move.

    Why had I come to this stupid lake? I stared at it trying to find what was so special. I saw nothing. Wait... I saw nothing... I know there's a whole other world that lies beneath its calm waters... But i saw nothing. Just like her. Like me. That's why she likes this damn lake. Because it hides everything just as well as she does. Or did. Until he broke her completely... He'd achieved his goal. I don't understand why we all thought he wouldnt. We all act as if she is some super power that can't be broken but in reality shes just a girl. She's smart, and was strong, but she watched her best friend die for her. Alex has never been whole and this is too much for an already broken girl. This is too much for anyone. We all do the same thing and its a terrible habit. We treat her as if shes an adult when its convenient to us and a child when its not. It's so much easier to put the fate of the wizarding world on an adults shoulders. But she is sixteen. We go around and pretend like she can handle this because shes an adult but the first time theres a scrap of information we don't want her to know we push her away and say shes too young... No ones ever been fair to this girl. Not even me. The fact of the matter is, we all played our own little part in breaking her.