unfair play // jjk

27 // to forgive

I caught my breath slowly but I couldn't get myself to sit up, and Jungkook didn't force me to sit up either. It's almost like he knew the safety I felt, just leaning on his shoulder.

He sighed and I felt his muscles tense and then relax again, my head falling heavy on his shoulder and moving with it.

"My dad didn't tell me."

My voice was shaky and breaking slightly from the long period of eerie silence that I had just ended.

Jungkook clenched his jaw and I could see the ligaments tighten in his neck and his shoulders stiffened. But, he stayed silent.

"I should've known."

I squeezed my eyes shut and fought tears off, the tears I had just dried.
Yet another, long burst of silence, fell between us and I held my breath to avoid the sobs from returning.

"Yeah," Jungkook whispered. "I guess you should've."

I could hear the anger still built in his voice and I sighed, knowing it would take a hell long time to fix.

"Jungkook, I-"

"Don't." The anger in his voice seemed to fade off when his voice did too. "I want to scream and yell, tell you this is your fault, and tell you how much I've.."
His voice broke into a choked silence and I could tell by the trembling that he was starting to panic, too.

I say myself up straight and ignored the mess of my hair that was stuck to my wet stream of tears around my eyes. I took Jungkook's hands and he didn't fight me off, but he didn't hold mine back.

"Jungkook."

He inhaled sharply. "H-how much I've missed you, and how much I've wanted you to k-know it was me."

I squeezed his hands harder when a wave of guilt made me sick to my stomach.

"Not a single day," his pinky finger twitched slightly and his gaze shifted to our hands as a tear finally fell from his eye. "went by where I wished I never met you again."

I shut my eyes and took a deep breath. A smile in my mind formed, but my mouth felt paralyzed and cold. I could only bit my lip until I felt the pain bleed through my skin where it left a deep mark.

"Everything about you rang a bell in my head. I wanted to scream that I knew who you were, but I'll admit... I wasn't sure." I wanted to punch myself. "I'm sorry."

He smiled slightly, and I finally felt his hands tighten around mine. "I tried to be mad at you, but it wasn't working and I sort of hated myself for it."

I smiled and swallowed the laugh that wanted to escape my tongue. "You had a right to be mad. I would be too."

He swallowed hard and pulled his left hand from my right hand. He pushed one of the strands of hair that was stuck in my tears' streamline and tucked it behind my ear. He continued to pull the hairs from my face, and I wiped a tear from under his eye. I leaned forward and rested my forehead on his, shutting my eyes and just meditating on the thought of his presence. I smiled slightly and then the smile faded when I remembered the pain I'd forced him through.

"I'm so sorry.." I whispered quietly as his hand rested on the back of my head and he ran his fingers through my hair, knotty and pouffy as ever.

I could feel his body move slightly as his brows furrowed and his voice made a small sound, one which meant laughter. He was laughing slightly and he took a deep breath before quietly responding.

"I'm sorry too."

I didn't move, but wondered why he was sorry to me.

"Why are you sorry?" I opened my eyes to see his small lips pursed to each other and a small smile pulling at the corners of his mouth.

His hands were soothing, pulling gently through my hair, somehow without hurting me.

"I don't know. Losing you," He muttered. "Really I should be sorry to myself. For losing someone I loved so much."

"Don't be stupid." I ruffled his hair slightly and he froze, slightly surprised, but his smile grew. His smile was always contagious, and you can bet mine grew wider than his just at the thought of his perfect smile.

My stomach was full of butterflies when he stopped pulling at my hair and his hands moved under my chin, brushing against my skin ever so softly.

He sighed long and hard.

"What?" I kept my eyes shut, but raised my voice.

Jungkook's best whiny, eight-year-old child's voice came out. "Can I kiss you already? I've waited so long."

I laughed slightly and pulled his face in close, when he froze a few millimetres away from my lips and I almost begged for them to collide.

"Can I say something?"

I sighed and clonked my head against his. "Good lord. Way to ruin the moment... Go ahead."

He smiled widely and his eyes looked directly into mine, making my butterflies only worsen.

"I love you."

His quiet whispers filled my ears when he pulled my chin up, only slightly, and his warm, soft lips pressed against mine.