Just Ten Days

It let me back to you

That one day, mere hours made him realise what was he thinking about and how he was visualising things. Just some hours had him thinking about all these six years and all the time when he brutally denied the existence of the woman who was patiently waiting for him to move to her. He had mercilessly shattered the woman who had her everything in him and he just took away and not even once glanced back. That one day when everything came into the picture, that one day when every day in these past years seemed like lies and a whole fraud. Even though he did not intend to he had been cheating on her since the day they married, not through Riddhima but through his self.

She had given her everything to him, her dedication, her love, her devotion and her trust and what did her give her? Lies? Betrayal? Heartbreak? And now a hospital bed to lie on and wait for death to overtake her? What was he? A brutal cold-hearted selfish bastard? What was he thinking when he decided to do all this rubbish? What was he thinking when he decided to just push her away? What was in his heart when even though her eyes and her words kept telling him that she was innocent, he still was over what he saw and not what he heard? He had to believe what all Kaali or the circumstances show him but not what she kept and kept telling him?

At least for once, he could have searched for the truth himself, for once he could have looked after the things all by himself. At least for once, he could have paid attention to the voice deep down his heart. For once. It would have saved a hope, a smile, a will to live that he just destroyed.

But now, after all these years he himself was unable to imagine how her faith, her trust and her hopes would have drowned after pleading to pull them up with tears. He was unable to imagine how every time he thought it was easier to not answer the questions about his family and their marriage to the media by not taking her with him, was just twisting the already stabbed knife in her heart. That every time he thought not to make things awkward to him he went away, he was just pushing her more in the darkness she was already drowned in. All this time he thought ignoring her was correct, he was just doing it all wrong. Just all of it wrong.

"I am so... sorry" he stuttered closing the gap between them but he knew the small word 'sorry' would never be enough for anything that he had done. "Saalon ki galatiyaan dinon mein nahi bhulayi jaati" he was the one who said it to his father and he remembered it. At that time when his father came to apologise to him during Shivaay's wedding he had said these words to him, but now he was not anyway better than the man who people called as his father.

What was the difference after all? That man ruined his mother's life and she did not leave him because she loved him and here he ruined Gauri's life and she didn't leave him because again she too loved him. That man was searching for happiness and trying to escape from situations staying away from his wife and here he too did the same. What was the difference? That man made her mother give up on her and drowned her in alcohol and here he was a step ahead, he had drowned her in the pool of misery where there was nothing except the darkness that scattered all around her. He eventually was a step ahead and he never realised that.

"And you realised it now when everything is almost over. Do you even think that she would ever accept you as her husband now?" his subconscious questioned. "Even if she does not, no matter what, I am going to make things right. And if not at least fair enough for her to stay" his mind answered as he looked at her peacefully sleeping face. "And how are you going to do that? She believes that you had nothing for her and now as far as you know her, pity is not the thing she will accept from you or from anyone" his subconscious said. "It is not pity. I am just doing what I am supposed to do" his mind answered. "So that means you still don't love her?" his subconscious stated. "I care for her, I always did" his mind answered and his subconscious never replied after that in that night.