Everything I Didn't Say | M.C

ONE

“Oh my gosh I’m sorry Jans!” I said while running across around our room, I accidentally bump to her and all of her laundry fell on the floor.

“Dammit Lai! You’re always in a hurry! What’s with this day?” She questioned picking up her clothes.

Jans is my roommate on our dorm near our University. I study at Brilestone University here in London where mom and I move I decided to take psychology it was bit hard finding a good school that will fit for you especially when you don’t know what to take. I just thought taking that because I think it’s a smart choice and studying people’s mind or perspective whatever it is called is an interesting thing. Jans is an IT major or Information Technology she’s really loud but we always get along and I like her a lot.

“Sorry, I need to pass this research paper I have to get that extra credit before my mom finds out I’ll fail my Philosophy class.” I said and run out of the room leaving her and hoping to get in time on my class.

It’s been 3 months that I’ve been here since mom and I move. After reading Jc’s letter I cried for the whole airplane ride I feel miserable and I was terrible. I told mom about it she knew I love Michael a lot and she feel bad about that, she told me I should just forget about Michael and live free here in London but I can’t and I just can’t forget about Michael I love him so much. I regret bailing him and keeping my distance but it was too late, really late knowing the truth. I want to find Jc and kill him with my bare hands. If he had this hate, this big hate against Marco he should let that between him and Karen but he didn’t. He really step out of the line and just hurt people to make him feel better. He’s a selfish prick. I hate him. When we got here I didn’t come outside, our new house isn’t big it was just good for both us at first I didn’t went outside to meet new people I was just sobbing on my room trying to call Michael and my friends back home but mom won’t let me she grounded me for 2 weeks without my phone and internet connection. She push me literally hard to move on and forget everything happened way back in America. It didn’t really work. Yeah I move on leaving my old home but leaving my friends and Michael, no, I didn’t. I still carry this big heart break inside of me.

I miss him, his kiss, his hug, everything.

When I found Brilestone University and I got interview there it was nice so I decided to pick this school already and take Psychology major. When I got home and told mom I got enrolled and all that good stuff I also told her I don’t want to live with her anymore and I want to be independent. Then I found this dormitory near the school that’s where i met Jans. Well mom was all happy with my decision seeing her face that I make her believe I was cured to all my sadness and sorrow because what happened to our family and my relationship but still she didn’t know I always cry every single night when I was home and even when I move to my dorm.

I tried to call Michael one day but he didn’t answer I guess he change his phone number I feel worried what if he already move on? He might forget about me already because I told him he should. I feel scared but I don’t have the guts to e-mail him if that would work. I sigh. I’d still call Bree she moved to Australia and study there she went to study fashion she said it was her thing now Calum will join her when he graduate this year, can’t believe they will last than we did but I am happy for both of them and Calum is my best friend now too. Mom change all of our contact numbers one night she accidentally spill that she don’t want Marco to find us out where we are she was bitter but I was like, how he cannot? Marco buys a property on mom’s company. Well I don’t give a fuck with her plans but I just love her no matter what happened I’m still here and we have to support each other it’s just sad that both of us don’t have a good relationship in love. Love is too unfair and selfish for us.

As I got to my class, finally I’m early with few minutes spare time. I sat on my usual spot all of these people talking on their thick British accent. It’s been more than a month now when my classes starts and I’m already failing. I failed my preliminary on Philosophy class because I’m always late and can’t focus every morning ‘cause of lack of sleep and I still have big thoughts I’m always distracted every morning. My professor here Mr. Wilbur give me an extra credit to make a research about Existentialism which is a bit hard to understand but it got me to seek what life is about, why I exist and what is my real purpose.