The Language Of Motivation (Completed)

Chapter 9: Letting go of Guilt

Guilt has to be one of the worst feelings. Part of that sinking sensation likely comes from the fact that we can't go back in time and change whatever it is we're feeling bad about, but before you can let go of your guilt, you have to understand it. That means facing your guilt, experiencing the thoughts it brings up, and identifying the things you did that led you to feeling guilty. People usually discover they feel guilty because they did something they believe was wrong; most of the time, the things we feel guilty about are not our issues. Another person behaves inappropriately or in some way that violates our boundaries, then we challenge the behavior, and the person gets angry and defensive; we feel guilty. Guilt can prevent us from setting the boundaries that would be in our best interests, and in other person's best interests. Many people think that being guilty is all bad and wrong. Guilt seems to be related to empathy and can prevent us from doing something that might hurt someone else or break important societal rules. If we do something that makes us feel guilty, that experience can serve as an important lesson that keeps us from doing it again in the future. Basically, guilt can be an extremely important part of our emotional and social development. When we feel guilty about something, it wasn't our intention in doing it in the beginning. Guilt is there as a reminder that there is some good in the worst of us and we have the opportunity to not feel guilty anymore — simply by not doing the things that will make us feel guilty. There are often important reasons why we do what we do. This doesn't mean excusing what we've done, but it does mean incorporating the large context of what was happening in your life during the situation that caused you to feel guilty. I also find this to be a super important part of the overall process of letting go of guilt. There have been things in life I've done that I still wished I hadn't, but I now understand why I did them given what was happening in my life at the time and given the feelings I was experiencing, and that makes it that much easier to come to terms with it. Sometimes the way in letting go of guilt means that you need to make amends. This could mean confessing what happened, sharing the guilt you are experiencing, apologizing, and discussing what you can do to make this situation better. However, if you are going to confess, you should confess completely — only confessing part of what happened can keep you feeling guilty and maybe even ashamed or anxious. Sharing your feelings of guilt with someone you trust can be beneficial. If you cannot get rid of ruinous inadequate feelings of guilt by yourself, consider seeking professional help. That way, you can get to the root of these feelings, and understand why they persist and help you address them. Doing so can help prevent them from affecting you negatively.