You Were My Love

Scene 64 - Drowning

Caution!

Mentions of angst ahead!

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When Lee Jum Seung closed the door, Hae Wong didn't really see it.

It was more like some distant part of him was conscious of it.

But he didn't actually take a look at it, as he sat on the couch, his elbows leaning down on his lap, his head buried in his hands, hiding his shameful face from the rest of the whole wide world.

Maybe, unconsciously, he didn't want to see it.

Didn't want to see him leaving the private salon, holding onto his precious black leather briefcase, which contained that cursed red book of a contract.

That fucking cursed red book with Hae Wong's seal at the bottom.

He pulled harshly at his soft blond hair.

What had he done?!?

It had seemed to him he didn't have much of choice.

But was it just wishful thinking?

Truth was, he could cope with being manipulated why his own father.

He could cope with his father's loveless, abusive relationship.

He thought he could even cope with being a criminal in the end.

But the mere thought only of losing Jimin's trust, of losing Jimin's love drove him totally insane.

It just wrecked him.

Both mentally and physically.

He could actually feel it.

The shivers at Jimin's possible reproving gaze.

The restlessness if he simply imagined him turning around on him.

The nerve wrecking tension through his whole body when he contemplated a life without his love, without his touch.

The unbearable, uneasy itch on his skin at the idea of the fall into the unfathomable pit of his loss.

And then there was all the spiritual side of the wreck.

For he couldn't bear with himself without the mirroring, loving look of his angel at him.

Through his pretty eyes, he had come to see who he really was.

And who he wanted to be.

Who he would have liked to be.

A different him.

Seeing himself as he truly was disgusted him.

Cowardice. Fake words. Greed. Selfishness.

And despite all these disgusting habits, somebody had been able to see good features in him, and finally, he felt loved.

More than that.

Stronger than that.

He was loved.

When he was looking at himself in his beloved's eyes, he had the feeling of being a good man.

It made Hae Wong love Jimin even more.

With an even stronger feeling.

That's why he couldn't stand even the simple idea of Jimin turning away from him.