Winning Back Mr. Right

Chapter 15

•Airie's POV•

I guess it's true what they say about missing someone. The feeling is almost indescribable. There's this angst deep within, an emptiness that causes a deep and heavy, unsuitable pain. The problem is, who do I ache for? Is it Nate? Or is it Kevin?

Nate calls to check on me. He says he'll see me this weekend. I'm surprise that he's even free. But I'm glad I'll be meeting him soon. I'm beginning to see myself as a moth drawn by the flame's beauty. I have to get him – Kevin - out of my system.

The door in my apartment buzzes. I open it up and find a man wearing a red cap asking me to sign on his tablet. He hands me a huge package and smiles as he leaves. I shake the box before checking the card on top. I should have done that first. Anyway, the card says, "Remember who you are. -KR." I unwrap the box in the kitchen counter to support its weight. It contains a set of paint brushes, some acrylic paints in different colors, an easel and a canvas, all the shenanigans needed to start - painting.

"Holy crap." I mouth to myself. My phone rings and I jolt to my own tone. "Hello?" I say. The person on the other line answers.

"You like it?" Kevin's voice makes my heart pound all the freaking time.

"Just got it. I don't know what to say." I can feel his smile on the other end.

"Use it when you're ready. Take your time." Kevin notices my passiveness, so he continues, "I have to go for now. Too many things piled up in the office. I hope to see you soon though. Bye, Aimee." I didn't say anything other than a soft, "bye."

He's right. The brushes make me feel excited. It instantly sent flowing ideas in my head that I can barely keep up with it. I bring the materials in my bedroom, layering all the colors and brushes in my study table. I position the canvas and easel near the window and carry a chair in front of it. I stare at the empty canvas for a moment and remember my dad. I miss him. I lost all love for art when he died.

How can I do this when he's not even here to cheer for me anymore?

"Sweetie..." I did not hear my mom coming in. "What is this? You're painting again?" She scans the room, her eyes searching mine.

"I'm still figuring out what I want." Blowing out the heavy air in my chest, trying to be true to myself for once makes me teary. My mind is all over the place. My words seem to have double meaning. I know in my heart that there's something wrong. I take a long and deep breath. Mom stands beside me just offering her shoulder so I can lean on it.

Here comes weekend.

Nate drives me again, this time to an open park with ton of people. It's a beautiful morning and you can see the smiles in every faces stretching from corner to corner, happily enjoying the sun and the company of each other. It's a concert for a cause. He bought us two front row tickets. Rita Ora shares a piece of her time to play until lunch and the rest is Coldplay. While waiting, the crowd plays with colored powders and throw them at each other.

"You on?" He challenges me. Basically, it is an excuse to get messy and feeling like we are doing something active while we are here.

"You bet." I accept his challenge.

We throw some of those colored powders to one another. Nate and I laugh and dance around feeling the vibrant air. For a moment there, just this one second, I look at him. Between the children yelling and lovers kissing, I see the man I fell in love with. I stop throwing him the powder left in my hands and just gaze at him. I see once again the man I dreamed of my whole life. I look at him and I feel this pity for his young heart pushed away by his solid dreams. It's the worst kind of pain. The feeling of being unworthy and weak. I am bothered by my conscience and the guilt feeling starts to feed on me. And then just as when I was about to back away, he pulls me into his arms, smiles at me with so much love in his heart. "I love you, Air." He whispers to me. I beam at him as he tightens his arms around me. "I love you, too." I answer weakly. "Thanks for standing by me through everything. I'm a mess, a handful. But I love you."

I look at him and I cry. It's true. We are a mess. My mind and heart don't go well together right now. "Baby, please stop crying. I hate seeing you like this." He wipes my tears away. Worried that I will not stop, he brings me in again to his chest. I realize I needed to be true in this moment. What's the use of holding back anyway?

"It's just that...you always say you love me. And then you try and make up for all the times you've lost but end up leaving me the second I cling. It hurts when you're just there when it's convenient for you. As soon as I start to pull away, you show up again. You know you have me so you try and keep me."

Nate loosens his grip slowly, obviously shocked at what I said. "It's not like that."

"It's exactly like that. Sometimes, I'm scared that if I put myself out there again, you will leave me hanging like you always do. I try to understand you over and over again, but there are times when I feel like I'm... I'm only an option for you."

Nate continues to reason with me. "That's not true."

I shake my head and bite my lip to hide the tears that are about to fall again. "You don't see it. But it is what is happening between us. You say you choose me because you're scared that I will hate you if it's not me. And you know that I love you so much I can't force you to choose me against your career because that's selfish."

Nate takes a deep breath and says nothing. We decided to leave the event as I am not feeling it anymore.