phan one shots

i'm trying

Summary: In this Dan and Phil are in their last year of middle school so they are both fourteen. This is based off of something going on with me right now. Dan's parents want him to apply for high schools and keep his grades up while he is struggling with depression and anxiety. They know he's having a hard time but at the same time they're trying to help him get into a good high school and it stresses him out a lot and makes him hate himself when he hasn't done anything wrong. His best friend Phil tries to help.

TRIGGER WARNINGS: depression, anxiety, panic attack, mentions of self harm

"Dan, are you still trying to apply for Silver Creek High School?" Dan's mother asked, looking over at her son who was sitting on her bed, long slender legs crossed at his ankles, and typing furiously on his phone, his sun kissed fingers flying over the keyboard.

"Yeah." He replied without looking up, his long dark lashes fluttering over his honey cheeks, chocolate eyes decorated with hues of hazel and gold focused on the glowing screen.

His mom nodded, biting her bottom lip as she glanced at her own phone.

"Well we should start working on it now, before thanksgiving break starts and you're with your father for the week."

Dan hummed under his breath, his eyebrows furrowing and his cherry blossom stained lips pulling down in a distressed frown.

"Um...okay." He replied, still completely immersed in whatever he was doing.

She peered over at him disapprovingly.

"What are you doing on your phone?" She asked a bit harshly.

Dan jumped a bit, his relaxed shoulders immediately tensing at her tone of voice. His fingers came to a stop and his anxious gaze shifted.

"I-I'm writing." He muttered, just a bit defensively, and his mom sighed.

His heart ached, panic blossoming in his chest.

She must be annoyed.

"Well does it have anything to do with your applications?"

He looked away, twisting his lip between his teeth worriedly, his bare foot tapping nervously.

"No." He answered quietly, his confidence shrinking along with his thin frame.

"Is your dad going to help you with it then?"

Dan shrugged.

"I don't know."

His mother exhaled through her nose, and he could see in her coffee colored eyes she was getting frustrated with him.

He bit his lip hard, tasting blood on the tip of his tongue.

"Well, I'm trying to help you Dan, but every time I try, you just don't do it."

Dan didn't say anything after that, falling completely silent.

Stupid, you never do anything right.

You're such a failure, just kill yourself already.

Too bad you can't cut anymore, you really deserve it after disappointing your family so much.

You obviously don't have a future, you can't even apply to high school dumbass.

Just go die.

No one wants you around.

Dan swallowed hard, blinking away the tears burning behind his eyes.

"I-I'm trying." He whispered, so quietly it was almost inaudible.

His mother looked at him in alarm, as if only just then realizing what kind of thoughts might be going through his head.