Jokes for when you are bored!

Married couples

1- A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter.

"What are you doing?" She asked.

"Hunting Flies" He responded.

"Oh!, Killed any?" She asked.

"Yep, 3 males, 2 females", he replied.

Intrigued, she asked. "How can you tell?"

He responded, "3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone."

2- A man was wandering around the supermarket one day when he saw this absolutely beautiful woman.

"Hi I've lost my wife," he begins "would you mind talking to me for a couple of minutes?"

Confused the woman asks

"How would that help any?"

"Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman, my wife just appears out of nowhere!"

3- One day a man seeks a great wizard to remove a terrible curse.

After discussing what needs to be done, the wizard states

"The only way I can even attempt at breaking or removing any curses is through hearing what was said to lay this evil spell upon you, this way I can reverse it."

Without a moments hesitation, the man replies

"You are now husband and wife!"

4-An Illinois man left the snow-filled streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida. His wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day. When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick e-mail.

Unable to find the scrap of paper on which he had written her e-mail address, he did his best to type it in from memory. Unfortunately, he missed one letter and his note was directed instead to an elderly woman whose husband had passed away only the day before. When the grieving widow checked her e-mail, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream, and fell to the floor in a dead faint. At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen:

DEAREST WIFE,

JUST GOT CHECKED IN. EVERYTHING PREPARED FOR YOUR ARRIVAL TOMORROW.

YOUR LOVING HUSBAND

P.S. SURE IS HOT DOWN HERE

5- A police officer pulls over a young man who is speeding down the motorway on a motorbike.

"The chief isn't here right now so we'll have to hold you until he gets back."

"But-" tries the fellow who is simply tutted as he is placed I a holding cell as the police officer says

"Shut up! You're saying in here until the chief gets back!"

After a couple hours the man is still in the holding cell and the officer comes over

"I just spoke to the chief via phone call. You're lucky, he's at his daughters wedding so when he gets back he'll be in a good mood."

"Don't count on it," Said the young man "I'm the groom."

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-Robyn💎