Jokes for when you are bored!

Jobs/religion/retired

I'm back!! Long wait, I know. But don't worry cos I've got some funny joookeessss!

Enjoy :)

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1- Four men went golfing one day. Three of them headed to the first tee and the fourth went into the clubhouse to take care of the bill.

The three men started talking, bragging about their sons.

The first man told the others, "my son is a homebuilder and he is so successful that he gave a friend a new home for free."

The second man said, "My son was a car salesman and now he owns a multi-line dealership. He's so successful that he gave a friend a new Mercedes, fully loaded."

The third man, not wanting to be outdone, bragged, "My son is a stockbroker and he's doing so well that he gave his friend an entire stock portfolio."

The fourth man joined them on the tee after a few minutes of taking care of business.

The first man mentioned, "We were just talking about our sons. How is yours doing?"

The fourth man replied, "Well, my son is gay, and dances in a gay bar. I'm not totally thrilled about this, but he must be doing well. His last three boyfriends gave him a house, a brand new Mercedes and a stock portfolio."

2- A nub was sitting with her superior sister one morning in church. She mentioned how he felt absolutely terrible because jut the other day she had used dreadful, foul language.

"So what did you say and what was it about?" questioned the sister.

"Well, I was at the golf course and when I hit the ball it went about 280 yards!" Began the nun.

"Yes, yes. Carry on." Urged her sister.

"Or at least it would have gone that far but it hit a telephone wire!"

"Is that when you swore?" The sister asked.

"No, no. After it fell down about 100 yards off a squirrel ran out from a bush and snatched the ball!"

"Is that when you swore?" the sister asked once again.

"No, not quite." carried on the nun, "then an eagle swooped down and grabbed the squirrel, ball still in it's paws!"

"Did you swear then?" the sister was getting more and more impatient and interested.

"Almost. But then, the ball fell from the squirrel's grip and bounced off a rock, swerved round a sand pit and was six inches from the hole!!"

"You missed the f****ng putt didn't you?!"

3- One day a fisherman was lying on a beautiful beach, with his fishing pole propped up in the sand and his solitary line cast out into the sparkling blue surf. He was enjoying the warmth of the afternoon sun and the prospect of catching a fish.

About that time, a businessman came walking down the beach, trying to relieve some of the stress of his workday. He noticed the fisherman sitting on the beach and decided to find out why this fisherman was fishing instead of working harder to make a living for himself and his family.

"You aren't going to catch many fish that way," said the businessman to the fisherman, "you should be working rather than lying on the beach!"

The fisherman looked up at the businessman, smiled and replied, "And what will my reward be?"

"Well, you can get bigger nets and catch more fish!" was the businessman's answer.

"And then what will my reward be?" asked the fisherman, still smiling.

The businessman replied, "You will make money and you'll be able to buy a boat, which will then result in larger catches of fish!" "And then what will my reward be?" asked the fisherman again.

The businessman was beginning to get a little irritated with the fisherman's questions. "You can buy a bigger boat, and hire some people to work for you!" he said.

"And then what will my reward be?" repeated the fisherman.

The businessman was getting angry. "Don't you understand? You can build up a fleet of fishing boats, sail all over the world, and let all your employees catch fish for you!"

Once again the fisherman asked, "And then what will my reward be?"

The businessman was red with rage and shouted at the fisherman, "Don't you understand that you can become so rich that you will never have to work for your living again! You can spend all the rest of your days sitting on this beach, looking at the sunset. You won't have a care in the world!"

The fisherman, still smiling, looked up and said, "And what do you think I'm doing right now?"

4- A man was lining up his tee shot for what seemed like an eternity; checking the wind, lining up the club, glancing around.

Finally, his partner gets fed up and says

"Oh for goodness' sake, can't you just hit the ball already!?"

The golfer doesn't even look up as he replies "My wife is up there, I need to get the perfect shot!"

"Come on man, you aren't gonna hit her from here."

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Hope you had a good laugh. If not, tell me why and what would make you laugh!

I'm happy as long as you are :)

Please please please

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-Robyn💎