JOSH DUN VS THE WORLD ✓

CHAPTER FIVE: I'VE NEVER KISSED A GUY EITHER

YOU KNOW THE DRILL.

"You know, Josh, I've never dated anyone so talented before.

Halsey hums softly to herself as she and Josh walk back to her house, a blissful look on her face. She cradles the baby blue teddy bear he won for her at the arcade to her chest with one hand, the other clasped to Josh's.

"Do you date a lot of people?" Josh asks, trying to focus on anything but the man from the arcade.

Halsey shakes her head, stopping suddenly to look up at him with doe eyes. "No," she says as if it's a revelation. "Just girls before you. I've never even kissed a guy."

"Hey..." Josh puts his hands on her shoulders. "I've never kissed a guy either."

It's bullshit, but it's funny, and it makes Halsey laugh. Josh likes her laugh and feels bad for being distracted while they were playing skee ball.

"Come on, it's getting dark."

The day is on the cusp of dusk, yellow, orange and pink hues dusting the clouds above. Through the park, they cross an x-shaped intersection shoveled through the piles of snow, still untouched and blindingly white. It's early April, but Mother Nature doesn't seem to know that yet and keeps deciding to dump snow on them.

Josh is having a crisis. He likes Halsey, he really does. Whenever he's around her, he feels like there are no wrongs in his life. She's a ball of sunshine, one who'd taken shelter in his arms.

But even with her around, his heart never pumped as hard as it did whenever he saw that man. That brown haired, brown eyed, sad looking angel on roller skates. The fact that

God, he's hopeless.

They make it to Halsey's house just as the lamps outside turn on. Josh checks his watch and sees that it says 6:30. The porch light turns on when they step up to the door.

"Today was fun," Halsey says, a pale pink blush on her cheeks. He wonders if it's from the cold or his arm around her shoulders.

"Yeah, it was. I'll pick you up tomorrow at 10:30."

"See you then, Joshie." She stands on her tip toes to kiss his cheek, smiling from ear to ear. "Don't be late again."

With a whirl, she disappears through the door, and he walks home alone, having too much time to think about his options. He doesn't want to be that asshole who cheats on his girlfriend with a guy, but Halsey was so sweet and gentle. Josh would rather do anything except for hurt her feelings, even if it meant doing something he might referent later on.

He hates the fact that he was even considering cheating on her. That's not him, he knows what it's like to be betrayed that way. But it doesn't count if it's with a guy, right?

Nobody except for Jon is home when he gets there in his bummed out state. Jon is unconscious on their bed and swats at Josh when he tries to wake up for dinner. Max had cooked some stir fry earlier and left two plates in the microwave for them. Josh eats his and forces Jon to at least take a few bites.

When Max gets home a half hour later, Josh takes a shower to avoid talking to him, standing under the spray of water for as long as he can because they can barely afford hot water.

"Josh, what's wrong?" Max asks in an exasperated voice from inside the bathroom. "You've been in the shower for twenty minutes and you only do that when you're sulky."

"I'm having a crisis, Maxwell. Leave me in my misery."

"What happened now?"

Josh throws back the curtain, seeing Max brushing his teeth over the sink. "A man is making me question my sexuality and I don't like it."

Max rolls his eyes and spits into the sink, unfazed by Josh's nudity. "Wouldn't be the first time you've had an identity crisis because of hot guys. Who was it this time, Ryan Reynolds? Idris Elba? Chris Hemsworth?"

"No, it's- it's someone knew. I don't know his name or anything, but there's something about him. It's like the universe is trying to tell me something." He reaches over and grabs a towel off the rack, wrapping it around his waist. "I don't know what to do. I'm not gay or anything- don't look at me that way, Max- but this guy, he- he makes me feel something else. I don't know what to do about it. I don't know what I'm feeling, much less how to deal with it."

The shower sputters to a stop as Josh closes the faucet, making water from the sink rush harder than before. Max scoops water in his hands and rinses his mouth out. Josh stands in the shower awkwardly, waiting for a suggestion from his friend. 

"Maybe..." Max licks his teeth and smiles into the mirror. "It's time to consider that you're not straight. No guy has these many sexual dilemmas without being at least a little gay. Remember when Other Hayley was coming out? It took her three Scooby Doo movies and a Disney film to find out she was a lesbian."

"But I'm not gay!"

"So, you're bi. Or pan. Whichever label fits you best. Big mother fucking deal. Everyone knows you're not 100 percent straight. You act like you're going to be burned at the stake for accepting who you are."

Even though Max has a solid point, Josh refuses to agree with him and instead says, "Your family wouldn't care if you were gay, but mine would rather kill me than accept me."

"Stop with the self-pity bullshit. You're scared because you don't want to be marginalized."

"I'm a privileged white guy, of course I don't!"

Max rolls his eyes again and turns to stare down Josh. "You're a broke college student with a bachelor's degree in music theory. You work at Hobby Lobby and Olive Garden when you're not playing night shows at bars and restaurants for drunk people until 3 am. We hardly ever get paid and when we do, they're tips. Sex-Bo-Bomb's not popular. Hell, Young Ryan and Halsey are probably our own two fans besides the bartenders who let us play for free. You're not doing so hot. Accepting that you're gay would just make it worse, especially since everyone you've dated so far were girls, and even after one of them cheated on you, you still can't-"

"Thank you, you hypochondriac, for dissecting my shitty life with your detective skills. Why don't you just hit me over the head with a shovel, it would hurt less."

"Dude, I'm only trying to help-"

"Why don't you go fuck yourself, Max?" Josh snaps. He doesn't know why he's so angry. He's the one who came to Max for help, why is he suddenly so pissed? Maybe because everything he was saying is true. 

Josh walks past him, shoving him for emphasis, before slamming the door and waking Jon up. 

"What's going on?" He slurs, sitting up from the bed. His hair is tousled and his lips are bruised and plump pink. Something in Josh's stomach stirs.

"Nothing. Don't worry about it."

As if he's on autopilot, Josh walks to the kitchen and grabs the first bottle of alcohol he finds- vodka- and downs whatever's left. He doesn't turn when he hears Max open the bathroom door and then the front door. Even when Jon asks if they fought again, he doesn't acknowledge him.

A warm feeling rushes through his veins, and Josh finally feels better when the bottle is empty. He sets it down on the counter. It's been months since he drunk like that, his body probably isn't used to it anymore.

Josh stumbles to the bed, planting himself on Jon's lap. Wide eyes stare back when he pushes forward, kissing him. Jon makes a single small noise of protest. but it barely lasts a second until his hands are on Josh's bare waist, pulling Josh on top of him.

The towel must've fallen off, but Josh didn't care. He shoves his hand down Jon's pajama pants, and a moan rips through both of them.

"You- you have a girlfriend," Jon pants.

Halsey flickers in his mind, and Josh groans, half in protest and half in pleasure. "Don't let me think about that right now. Help me forget. Help me."

CHAPTER FIVE COMPLETE!
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