JOSH DUN VS THE WORLD ✓

CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT: I THINK I HAVE A TYPE

SAVING...

SAVING...

SAVING...

SAVING COMPLETE!

warning: masturbation

As soon as the front door closes behind her, Josh waddles to the bathroom and turns the shower, setting the water to the hottest it can go. He knows he can't talk Halsey out of dragging him into the city, so he might as well muscle through it.

Once the water is nearly unbearable, he steps into the shower, his whole body turning to pleasant mush under the intense heat. He sighs loudly, craning his neck around until it pops, and grabs his body wash from the shelf. It only takes one flip of the lid to realize it's not his, but Tyler's.

Suddenly, everything reminds him of Tyler. The familiar smell of the old spice wash he uses, the stupid shower curtain of Bob Ross he bought off amazon, the bent metal rod where they went at it too hard once in the shower and the curtains, rod and all, fell on top of them.

It's all him. Everything in that apartment is him.

When though a normal person would've closed the lid and put it away, Josh didn't. He has a sudden, desperate need to feel normal, so he pours a handful of the soap into his hands and uses that instead of his own body wash to shower.

Josh closes his eyes and pretends like that night never happened. Like he didn't have his heart shattered for the upteenth time by someone he truly loved. Like he was still happy.

His mind drifts to the fond moment. Tyler's head in his lap, him lazily holding Josh's hand, his face when he tries to hard to be serious. Their shared kisses doing mundane things, the silly morning kisses and the passionate goodnight ones.

smut starts here!!!

Before he knows it, Josh lands on those moments when they couldn't contain themselves. He remembers Tyler so vividly, with his head thrown back, making noises he never thought would sound so pretty. His dark, too serious eyes looking up at him with Josh's hand in his hair, and Tyler's lips around his dick.

He lets out a small moan at the memory alone, and one hand drops to his waist, the other bracing himself against the bathroom wall. It feels wrong, to cling to their relationship this way, but a memory is all that Josh has now.

There's no better way to recover from a mental breakdown than to jerk off, right?

Water pounds the top of Josh's head as he takes himself into his hand. He pushes most of his weight against the wall and before he moves, he tenses, partially out of fear but mostly out of guilt.

One tug of his fist and all of his negative emotions he'd been wallowing in melt away. His knees wobble under him. Josh shudders and grunts, holding back yet chasing the feeling.

He pretends it's Tyler's hand around him and not his own, and he pushes back the image of Tyler telling him he never loved him. Instead, he remembers the day they first said they loved each other. That was one of the best days of his life.

Even though he tries to act tough and dominant, Josh is just a big softie. He liked gentle touches, soft whispers, things that make him feel loved. Tyler knew that, better than anyone.

His hips jerk forward involuntarily, and he sucks in a strangling breath, trying to stay upright. He's there, he can feel that aching tangle in the pit of his stomach start to unravel.

As he finishes, his legs give out, a guttural moan escaping his throat as he does so. He can't break his fall in time and hits his knees on the bottom of the tub. Josh sputters to catch his breath, scooting to sit with his back against the shower wall.

end of smut!!!

He sits there, his breath steadying, and he realizes what he's done. Josh just jerked off to his ex. The one who never loved him.

The same guilt he felt before sets in quick, and Josh doesn't have time to hold back the tears that blinded him. He brings his knees up to his chest, the mist from the scalding water suffocating him.

It's not like it's the first time he's ever been dumped before. Hell, Debby was the biggest heartbreak of his life. That was over a year ago, and he's still not completely over it. But Tyler hit him hard in a way he didn't expect.

There's something wrong with this picture, but Josh can't focus enough to figure it out. When he tries to think the situation through, to see what went wrong, as he can see is Tyler's empty, emotionless face and those words.

I never really loved you.

He lets out a sob he'd been holding back for weeks, wailing loud enough for the neighbors to hear. If he tries to hold it in any longer, he'll explode. So Josh just cries, slamming his fists against his head, riding the waves of utter agony that he held back for so long.

It feels good, to finally let out all the pent up emotions that he usually kept close to his chest. His chest feels lighter once his tears dry up; he can breathe a bit better now. But the guilt lingers, and he doesn't even try to relieve it.

The water's gone cold, so Josh rinses himself off and crawls out of the shower, not bothering to wash his hair. He finds clothes that smell semi-clean and slip them on, trudging to the kitchen to find another bottle to start drinking before Halsey came back.

There's a bottle of wine that he has bought to surprise Tyler with the signing of their band, but now it's in poor taste. Josh forces the cork off and pours as much wine as he can fit into a yeti cup, screwing on the top so Halsey won't see and get worried.

He puts the wine into the fridge just as Halsey unlocks the door, kicking it open with her foot. She walks in with Hayley draped over one shoulder, who's carrying a cane.

"Hope you're decent!" Halsey says cheerily, helping Hayley down onto a bar stool pushes up to the kitchen's island counter.

Josh takes a sip of the wine. "Why'd you bring her?"

"Gee, it's great to see you too, fuckface," Hayley rolls her eyes. "It's not like I was in the hospital for two weeks or anything."

"Sorry, didn't mean to be rude." He looks over at Halsey. "I thought you were taking her to their apartment."

"I am, I just wanted to pick you up first so we can all say hi," she replies.

"No, thanks. I don't feel like being insulted and treated like I'm crazy anymore than I already have been."

"In my defense, you are crazy."

Josh flips her off. "Thanks, Hayl. Always love the unwavering support from you."

"You're welcome. How was my ecstasy, by the way? That batch was extra strong."

"I was tripping for like three days," he laughs. "I think I still might be high."

"You gave him ec-" Halsey blows air through her nose. "You know what? I think I have a type."

Hayley rests her head on Halsey's shoulder, making kissy faces at her. "And what's that, boo?"

"Idiots with a drugs problem."