JOSH DUN VS THE WORLD ✓

CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE: AU REVOIR, MY SWEET HONEY MUSTARD

SAVING...

SAVING...

SAVING...

SAVING COMPLETE!

"Nice to see you again, Ty-Ty," the girl cooes with a smile in her voice.

Josh moves just enough to look around Tyler and sees that he blocked the sword with a large cartoonish looking mallet, the handle silver and the head baby blue. He recognizes same crudely painted yellow star on the head as the one on the door.

"What the hell are you doing here, Jenn?" Tyler asks, coolly, his knuckles turning white around the handle of the mallet.

The psycho bitch, Jenna, apparently, gasps. "I'm offended, sweetheart. Did you already forget about everything I did for you?"

"By everything, you mean breaking me out of mind control?" He scoffs. "Gee, thanks for going out of your way to stop me from being a sex slave with no ability to consent or anything else like that."

"You're welcome." Josh rolls his eyes. "Why are you so cross, banana boat? Are you mad at me?"

"Nah, Jennifer, I just don't give a shit anymore about trying to repay you. Why are you even in Canada? Did you follow me here too?"

"Actually, no, my family's from Ontario and I just decided to pop by and visit."

Tyler readjusts his grip. "And try to take a stab at my boyfriend. Let me guess- you're with the league."

"No, I'm not with the league, silly Billy," Jenna says.

"My name's Tyler."

"I'd never betray you by going back to them." She giggles. Josh decides immediately he hates her giggle. "But since they can't really do it for me, I'll just have to give myself a proper introduction."

Tyler blocks her leg with the mallet's handle as she goes to kick him, and she takes a few steps back, switching the katana from hand to handle.

"Who the hell are you?" Josh asks. "You crazy ninja psycho bitch."

Jenna winks down at him. "Oh, baby chinchilla, that's no name to call a lady. But, if you really wanna know, I guess I can let you in on a little secret. And on the way, I could tell you some things about Ty-Ty too-"

He raised the mallet so the head is at her throat. "Don't."

"What?" She bags her eyelashes innocently, not moving an inch. "I only meant those little things about your past. It's important in a relationship to know everything about your partner's life."

"Jen, I'm warning you-"

"Wait," Josh interrupts. "If you're not part of the league, then what're you doing here?"

Her eyes go narrow, but in a way that makes him realize she's smiling. "Oh, sugar, I'm going to be the one who gets to kill you. Jenna Black, certified assassin for hire."

CHARACTER UNLOCKED:
JENNA BLACK: the second?ish evil ex
AGE: twenty
STRENGTHS: is a ninja, licensed to kill, super pretty, intoxicatingly nice, loves dogs, is immune to mind control, can teleport, grade A prankster, makes a mean apple cider, fluent in four languages
WEAKNESSES: clingy, overprotective, doesn't know how to take no for an answer, has no physical boundaries, short tempter, is allergic to dogs, makes stupid nicknames, hair kink
WEAPON OF CHOICE: Magic fire katana

Tyler spins the mallet once, getting into a fighting stance. "Jenna, I'm only going to ask you once to step off my dick before my mallet becomes certified with your face."

"Aw, boo. You never really were any fun, even when you weren't under the influence." She pulls down her face mask, and blows Tyler a kiss. "Au revoir, my sweet honey mustard. I'll be back soon."

She sheaths her sword, throws something down into the ground, and disappears in a blast of black and green smoke, leaving behind the smell of limes and burnt rubber.

Tyler spins the mallet in his hands and stuffs it back into his satchel, headfirst. Somehow, it fits. He turns and kneels down, holding a hand out for Josh to grab.

"You're freezing."

Josh chuckles softly as Tyler examines him for injuries. "Yeah, it's only below freezing."

"Okay, no broken bones or anything but that's gonna leave a pretty brutal black eye. Hey, have you been crying?"

"No," Josh lies, letting Tyler pull him back to his feet. "Maybe. Yeah, I have. It's been a weird fucking day, man."

"I know, J, I'm sorry. This is everything I wanted to avoid, but I guess you can't stop the inevitable." Tyler cups Josh's face and brushes his thumb under his left eye where Jenna kicked him, kissing it gently. "Come on. Let's go home."

"Home? I'm not going back there, not while-"

He shushes Josh and begins to pull in the direction of his apartment. "A home isn't just a house. It's somewhere you belong, and right now you belong with me, in my shower, getting warmed up and ready to binge watch whatever show you want."

"I thought you have work," Josh says.

"I do, but that doesn't mean that we can't do all of that when I come back tonight."

Josh lets Tyler drag him into the apartment and sits on the edge of the bathtub as he peels off the snow-soaked clothing from his numb skin. He's too cold to do it himself. Not only does he probably have pneumonia, he's emotionally exhausted, hungry, and beat up, and it's not even noon yet.

"I wanna watch Spider-Man," he calls out as he stands under the steaming hot shower, regaining feeling in all of his limbs.

Tyler laughs from the kitchen where he's making them tea. "We can do that when I come back too. Are you done yet, or are you going to keep racking up my water bill?"

"Start charging me rent if you're going to complain, Joseph!"

"I just might, Dun!"

Josh smiles to himself. It's nice to have some semblance of domesticity- not even that, normalcy- for just a split second before he steps out of the shower and looks at himself again and sees everything again.

He has small healing burns on his chest from Mark's attack at the Rock-It and a nasty bruise from his and Hayley's backstage the same night. His left eye was swollen and no doubt bruise too once the swelling went down.

All of this, over a guy. A cute, sweet, irritating, guy.

From where he is in the bathroom, Josh can hear Tyler scream-singing the villain song from Princess and the Frog, followed by a yelp and and a crash to the ground. He stifles a laugh.

Yup. Definitely worth it.