JOSH DUN VS THE WORLD ✓

CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE: HOW CAN I KEEP A SECRET I DON'T REMEMBER?

Starting this baby back up with some drama

SAVING...

SAVING...

SAVING...

SAVING COMPLETE!

Hayley, Tyler, and Young Ryan sit in the foldable chairs across the coffee table, with Jon, Josh, Max, and Halsey squished into the futon on the other side. It's not awkward. Especially not when Jon keeps making small talk with Tyler, who Josh can tell is growing uncomfortable.

Josh doesn't know if it's better to just eat and get this disaster over with or to implode. The latter choice seems more desirable with each agonizing minute that passes.

Finally, they're done eating. Hayley's sobered up a bit and back to being all quiet and scowly. Not Jon. Jon is still trashed and telling Tyler explicit details about their relationship, details nobody should ever know about their significant other until at least the six month mark.

"Josh is so so awkward and shy in bed, but so annoying when he's sober," Jon drawls, draped over the kitchen counter. "I don't know how you can be with him. He's so 'me me me! Never thinks about other people."

Tyler clenches his jaw and looks at Josh, like he's mentally begging him to reign him in.

"Hey, Jon, how about you just chill out and drink from water or something."

Jon shoots him a death glare. "I am not talking to you, dipfuck."

"Dipfuck?" He doesn't know if that's an insult, but he takes it as one.

Max puts a hand in Jon's shoulder. "We should really be going, we have a thing and-"

"No!" Jon swats his hand off and falls back, shoving Josh away when he tries to help him up. "Don't touch me, you man whore! I know you don't remember that night, but I do. I remember it all, and that's a first for me, because I drink so I don't remember shit."

Josh's stomach drops. "Jon-"

"If being an asshole wasn't bad enough, you have to a cheater too," Jon hisses.

Tyler immediately locks eyes with Josh. "What's he talking about?" he asks softly.

Josh shakes his head. He doesn't remember. Why doesn't he remember? "I- I don't-"

"Oh, you don't know? Joshie and I fucked when he and his child bride were together, right before he hooked up with you, his new bitch."

The silence is so thick Josh is afraid of choking.

"Josh? Is that- did you?" Halsey's voice trembles when she speaks, so soft and fragile that Josh can't look at her.

He can't look anywhere but Tyler's face, seeing it switch through emotions like tv channels. Tyler goes from shock, to dismay, finally settling on the same angry expression when he thought Josh had been messing with him at the party.

"Hals, I swear to you," Josh starts softly, forcing himself to look her in the eye. "I can't remember a thing from that night."

Halsey scoffs, tears already making their way down her cheeks. "Like that makes it better? You- you scumbag!"

The world feels like it's coming down around him. "Please, just let me explain."

"Oh, please tell us your next excuse," Jon taunts, still in the ground. "Let's hear it, Joshua!"

"You don't get to be a part of this fucking conversation, Jon!" Josh explodes. For a moment Jon looks sober, sober and terrified. "You didn't tell me anything, you mother-"

"Don't blame him!" Halsey shouts. "You're the cheater, you don't get to yell at him for not keeping your dirt fucking secrets!"

"How can I keep a secret if I don't remember?" Josh throws his hands up. "I'm not saying what I did was right, it's that even what happened-"

"It is."

He stalls for a minute, glancing at Max, who'd been quiet until then. Young Ryan looks ready to shit his pants.

"You knew?" Josh lets out a breathy chuckle. "No, of course you did. Because it's always me who's the last to know, always the last to find out."

"Josh-"

"Don't you fucking dare try to cover it up. I might be a shitty person, but at least I know it. All of you except Halsey, get the fuck out. Now!"

Max hauls Jon to his feet and pushes him out of the door, sending Josh an apologetic look. He snarls in response. Young Ryan has to drag Hayley out because she won't budge, but at least she's not yelling

Halsey stands there. Just stands there, sobbing quietly in place. Josh takes a breath, trying to calm himself down before he says anything else.

"Hals, I am so-"

"Fuck you." She grabs a pillow from the futon and chucks it at him. "Fuck you, Joshua, for breaking my heart and cheating on me. I- I loved you!"

Josh doesn't know what to do to fix it, so he just watches her leave, unable to cope with every single hit to his psyche. As soon as the door slams shut behind Halsey, Josh breaks down.

"I don't-" Josh shudders as he tries to hold back a sob. "I don't want to be a bad person. I try so hard to be good, but it feels like no matter what I do, I end up hurting someone. Whether it's you or Halsey, or my band. I can't not hurt anyone. I can't even remember hurting them."

"I know."

He isn't expecting that response. "What do you mean you know?"

"I knew about you bad Jon."

"You- you're not mad?" Josh doesn't even ask how he knows, he's just relieved that at least one of his relationships isn't completely fucked.

"It's not mine to be mad about. It's Halsey's." Tyler sets down the hand towel he had in his hand. "This is exactly what happened last time, word for word. Jon confesses, you explode, they leave, and you do whatever you choose next."

"But you looked so, upset, I-"

"Because it still hurts."

Josh looks away, sniffling. "I'm sorry."

"Don't tell it to me, tell it to her." Tyler shakes his head. "I didn't expect this restart to be the exact same as the first time."

It takes Josh a minute to decipher what he means, and when it clicks, something doesn't add up in his head. "Wait. What do you mean, the first time?"

Tyler shakes his head. "You won't like it."

"What about the last twenty minutes have I liked? Was it the part where I found out I chested in my girlfriend with one of my best friends, or maybe it was the part where I found out everyone else knew and nobody told me."

"They we're trying to protect you," he retorts.

"And what're you doing now, Ty?" Josh demands. "Lying?" Tyler bristles and Josh recoils from his own sharp tone.

"I think you should go," he says, looking down at his hands.

"Ty-"

"I'm not breaking up with you. I just- you need a breather, J." He sends him a stiff, solemn expression. "And you need to make a round of apologies before you're hit by another shattering revelation."

Josh takes a moment to calm down enough to process what he's saying and nods, grabbing his coat and leaving, still crying and wondering where the hell to even start unraveling this magical knot of bullshit that he made.