JOSH DUN VS THE WORLD ✓

CHAPTER FOURTEEN: MAYBE YOU'D KNOW WHO I WAS IF YOU DIDNT HANG UP ON ME

SAVING...

SAVING...

SAVING...

SAVING COMPLETE!

The crowd bursts into chaotic cheers the second they step onto the stage. Despite the obvious joy of having them there, Josh only feels a hot rush go over his body, shivering.

His stomach starts to hurt, a stabbing sensation making him tense up. He's not a nervous person, so why does he feel sick when he sees Tyler in the crowd?

Max taps the microphone, waving to the crowd with a nervous smile. "How's everybody doing tonight?"

The people cheer again. Tyler sends Josh a smile, raising his glass to him, and disappears, heading up to the bar where Jon, Ashley, and Halsey are sitting.

"Oh, shit," Josh says, stepping up to his own microphone. They can't talk to each other. That would be too awkward for him to handle.

"Ready?" Max nods at him, then at Hayley, who's staring daggers into the back of Josh's head. "Okay, Hayley we'll start with Garbage Trunk and end with-"

"We are Sex Bob-Omb!" Hayley interrupts him. "One, two, three, four!"

start song
Garbage Truck, Sex Bob- Omb

Josh watches as Tyler sits down between his sister and his ex-girlfriend, seeing Ashley immediately engage in conversation with him. He tries to focus on the chords, putting his energy into playing to distract him from what could they be talking about. Tyler isn't his boyfriend, not exclusively, but Josh wants him to be.

"I'll take you for a ride," Max starts. "On my garbage truck. Oh no."

All of a sudden, about halfway through their third song, the ceiling collapses, a man bursting through and landing in the center of the dance floor.

"Joshua Dun!" He shouts, pointing at Josh. "Are you ready for a fight to the death?"

Max turns to look at him, who only shrugs. "Do you know that guy?" He asks.

Josh shrugs. "Nope."

"It is I, Mark Eshleman, Tyler Joseph's first evil ex boyfriend."

CHARACTER UNLOCKED:
MARK ESHLEMAN: the first evil ex
AGE: twenty-two
STRENGTHS: uses magic, can summon hipster demon chicks, plays the harmonica pretty well, graduated from Stanford, law degree, number one
WEAKNESSES: lactose intolerant, actually not that strong, allergic to gluten, super clingy, OCD, thinks he's better than everyone else (he's not)
WEAPON OF CHOICE: magic fire balls

Mark leaps into the air- maybe twenty feet or something- and launches himself at Josh. From above, he hears Jon smash a shot glass on the ground and shout, "Fight!"

Josh detaches his bass from the strap and tosses it to Young Ryan, blocking Mark's punch with his forearm. Literal sparks fly between them. Mark hops back and kicks Josh in the chest, making him fall backwards.

"Holy shit!" Ashley yells from above them. "How the hell did you learn how to fight like that?"

"Video games!" Josh shouts back, dodging another hit from Mark. He skids and swings a kick, knocking Mark into the drum set. "Wait a minute. Who are you?"

"Maybe you'd know who I was if you didn't hang up on me!" Mark stomps his foot like a kid having a tantrum. "I'm Tyler's first evil ex-boyfriend, one of many to come."

Josh pauses, looking up into the rafters where his boyfriend-maybe-not-boyfriend stares down at the fight. "You used to date this fool?"

The spotlight previously pointing on the stage spins to Tyler, whose expression turns mortified.

"Yeah. For like a week in the seventh grade," he says, exasperated. "I was the only other gay kid attending our middle school, and we took on the jocks all by ourselves. His magical powers were irresistible, but it wasn't going to last."

"Wasn't going to last?!" Mark screams.

"Wait, magical powers?" Josh asks, just before being kicked in the back, falling face flat on the ground.

Mark raises his arms and he starts to float in the air, fire balls exploding in his hands. "You'll take that back, Tyler Joseph, when I burn your boyfriend to a crisp!"

"Actually, we're not official-"

"Enough!" Mark chucks the fireball but Josh dodges it, and the curtains erupt in flames.

Josh crouches into a fighting position, balling his fists. "Come down from there and fight me face to face, you coward!"

"Ha! You won't be able to defeat me and my hipster demon chicks," Mark cackles, rising his hands.

Two translucent and demonic looking girls appeared on either side of him, with the fangs and horns and everything. They raise their arms above their heads, flames igniting in their hands.

He throws one of the fire balls at Josh, which misses and burns a large hole in the ground. Josh grabs a fallen cymbal off the ground and throws it back frisbee style in retaliation. The cymbal hits Mark square in the forehead, he spins backwards. While doing so, the hipster demon chicks vanish, and Mark accidentally flings the other fireball backwards, incinerating Crash and the Boys.

"Holy guacamole, he just killed Crash and the Boys!" Young Ryan exclaims.

Mark crashes to the ground at Josh's feet, and he looks up dramatically, literal smoke coming from his ears. "I'll avenge my hipster demon chicks, you foul, homosexual-" he pauses. "I can't think of an insult."

"Believe me, your face is insult enough," Josh says before kicking Mark in the chin, his body exploding into a handful of quarters. 1000 POINTS spins above the pile of coins in stupid 8-bit font.

"Holy shit!" Halsey shouts. "I love you, Josh! You're such a badass!"

Josh looks into the rafters and smiles at her, his heart sinking when he doesn't see Tyler sitting beside her. "Ooh, coins!" He bends down and starts to pick the quarters off the ground. "Aw, shit. It's only 2.35."

A hand grabs the back of his shirt, and Josh is suddenly being dragged towards the exits. "I'll lend you the other fifteen cents, but we need to go now."

Tyler's the one holding his shirt, rushing him forward with a determined look on his face. Josh sighs, fawning over his boyfriend-not-boyfriend.

"Are you going to explain who the wizard was?" He asks.

"Yep." Cheering comes from inside the building, and Josh assumes they won because Max is screaming at the top of his lungs. "But I need to do so in private."

Josh smiles lazily. "Are all Americans this mysterious or are you just a dramatic asshole?"

Tyler lets go of his shirt and sends him the shadow of a smile back, his hand dropping to his side to grip Josh's. "Yes."

"That doesn't answer my question."

"Doesn't it, though?"

"I hate you."