Results of a Restless Mind

Don't worry about me im just kinda feeling

I feel like solidity in water. Like a pushing force that can't escape. I feel like a brain without a purpose. Like a dead weight. I feel like a let down, like a failure. I feel like a mishap, like a mistake. But not a mistake in being made- a mistake in my place. Why am I here? Why am I this way? Why am I thrown into this trap of humanity? Why does the thought of death sometimes seem more appealing than being alive. I'm not suicidal in the sense that suicide is known. I am suicidal because I was born with hope and I still hold hope but for a completely different reason. Do you see the roots that have blackened and died in my heart? They are the paths I can never travel down again. I had to burn them so the temptation would burn with them. But I play in that fire still, time and time again, and every time I think, maybe this time it won't burn. But it does. But it doesn't burn anymore than the last time, it is consistent. I feel like a meteor that is one meter off hitting earth. Had my trajectory been adjusted just by a meter, I would have hit. Instead, I fly by, a shooting star in an endless, impossible universe. But that's the thing. We are all shooting stars in this endless galaxy of life. We flash across the sky of humanity for a brief second. Maybe some will notice us. Make a wish. But that is all we can hope for. Same hope. Just different place. I feel like a song that speaks to the heart- you don't know why, but for some reason that combination of sounds compiled together make you feel wonderful things. All feelings are wonderful. Because even if you are feeling sadness, you are still feeling. I feel like a solo violin, a piano key, I feel like a trumpets buttons, used to make music all its life. I feel like a burning out experiment. I feel like the fire inside me dies sometimes and that's okay. I feel like okay. I feel like time difference. Like a lag that always stays a second too late. I feel a second too late. I feel like love, sometimes. But I think sometimes is better then no times. I think I feel he feels like I think too.