Results of a Restless Mind

Ratiocination for Antiphon to a broken heart

Written by Paraskevi Spiropoulos
@pxras -instagram

disappointing everyone it seems.
a poem written by
you guessed it
me
~~
and I hate what our lives have come to
picking up pills for friends who are left crying
borrowing beds we barely lie in
inhaling a substance we can't comprehend
it's almost like our lives are about to end
i guess it would be immature
to talk about you over the internet
but talking through the phone or to your face makes me feel like an even bigger disgrace conflicted on whether you love me or her
she's closer to your age, your home and your hurt
and that's all I ever caused you.
Fucking Hurt.
When all I wanted was to be able to call.
When all I wanted was to be able talk.
Not about the sex or the drugs you took
or the thing you said before which i overlooked.
Instead I brought back your sadness you had just escaped.
I wish we could go back to 3 months ago
where I could be in your arms and you wouldn't let me go.
When you drove me home and kissed me before i went inside.
Where it came to a point where our love, we couldn't hide.
and I loved you.
Despite the herbs
Despite the 9
Despite the things you would say that were crossing my mind.
Despite the fact that it all ended so soon.
Because to be honest
I fucking loved you. A lot. And I still do.
But it will never be like that again. Ever.
You won't call me at 10.30 playing video games, asking if I'm alright or telling me how your day went.
You won't drive me home and sit in the car outside my house, kissing me for ages until the lights went out.
And I guess I'll sit here and reminisce what was.
And what was is what was is what was is what was.
And that was exactly what was.
Falling first face into love.