Results of a Restless Mind

voice message from -4hrs

Look i'm not

fucking...

im not blaming you-

this time difference sucks.

i just wish there was a way that 

i could express my thoughts. im just,

im frustrated that i cant talk to you

well, the problem is i can.

cause in this moment

the clouds are rolling in

and i cant find you anywhere

in the sky.

and im feeling so alone like

ive hit rock bottom,

and im feeling so low

and thats not your problem

dont worry,

i cant help but worry

like, im sorry,

i can barely go an hour without speaking to you

just to know you are okay.

its the way i operate,

cause i dont expect the best from life

and usually, life delivers on that.

thats not sound ungrateful, wait,

thats not to sound like a dick i just,

what i meant to say is i got lucky with you kid

and im scared that i will lose you.

i mean, isnt everyone?

scared to lose someoe i mean.

the point is,

im in deep,

so im realising what i have to lose

a bit too late in the game.

im realising that falling out of love works two ways.

im realising that i might not always be 

yours.

im realising that i might not have a choice.

im realising how much i rely on you.

im realising what love means.

and at the same time, im not, you know?

look, the point is

please get back to me soon kiddo;

i love you.

night.