Results of a Restless Mind

Fuck you (a spoken word of sorts)

You know what? Fuck you for making me feel. Feel anything. Fuck you for the pain you cause, even when feeling joy. This isn't a choice it's a lifestyle you see it's giving and taking and I'm fucking done. I'm sick of hanging up angry and I'm done with pretending to be fine when you call back because maybe something inside you senses that I'm not okay but it doesn't know a way to express it so you call to tell me about a spoiler you watched and now hate yourself for and I'm sitting here sobbing on the floor but I'll smile and go when I must because all this is is push and shove back and forth through my battlefield mind I'm trying to figure out the fucking mess inside so you're patient with me and I hate that cause it gives me even more reason to be mad when you're fine my clouds are grey and yours is blue sky so why why do I feel the need to push you away like a book you say you'll save for a rainy day just go then fine it's not like I care I'll lie here for thirty hours and just simply stare at the wall willing my hand to punch it and break but yeah sure goodnight kiddo I'll catch ya another day.