Results of a Restless Mind

He will never read this (a spoken word of sorts)

I'm pissed. I don't know where to start this so here we go, to be honest this will probably have no rhythm or flow its just 

he hits me up talking about making love, and how precious it is and how i deserve happiness, but you see, it's not about deserving hun, because if it was i wouldn't be in this mess. You are blind. You are blind to the point of stupidity, saying you never would want to get in the way of him and me but kid. Can't you see? There's a line that i draw between cute and annoying and the only reason you annoy me is because  i'm ignoring the flirts and the wise words and wisdom and the fact of how much better you deserve than me. I've liked two guys before and after you and the point is they ain't you because i want you to be happy God i do but you can't keep dragging me into this shame of wishing i could like you and having only myself to blame. You are innocent. Pure. You tell me you like the reckless and daring side of me, so there goes my strategy of scaring you away from me i guess. But i don't want to scare you away. I want you to like someone better then me. Someone who knows your heart and your weakness and dark sides someone who promises they'll be in for the long ride, and who will hold you even when your scratching to let go because i know the feeling. And everything i have, every ounce of happiness i experience with him, i want you to feel.  But you give me no tools to deal with the fact that you were the longest in the game of liking, and he swooped in and stole me, me who was probably yours for the taking. Was i? I guess i'll never know. But you tell me, you tell me that when you like someone it's about looking past the good and the bad things about them, and when i try to tell you theres nothing there you say why, do you think that just because i have feelings for you, the way i see you is impaired? 

He liked me because he didn't know what else to do. He saw a girl who didn't stare at him weirdly and thought this one will do. But that became so much more, more than he ever thought it could, and so he pulled himself away because he was scared of what it meant, when love had lost its meaning after every-time it was spent.

He loves me because he does. Theres no way to put it more simply he just... loves me.

And you. You don't know the half of who i am. Guess three years of liking will do that huh. Guess i'm that drug you cant quit. Guess saying get over it wouldn't help you let go.

I should know.