She was on the floor, barely moving at all. She only brought up her head a bit, to remember where she even was. Her long purple hair only fell over her red eyes, making this pointless. Everything around her was spinning and her head hurt. That's what she got for drinking too much, she guesses.
The street would've been cold, if Mia could actually feel anything from her state. It was a bad idea, sure, but she didn't care at all. As long as her mind would get off of... Alex.
She cursed under her breath. That idiot. She didn't want to remember him. His warm hugs and nice words, and his futile attempts at understanding her... It was her fault, she knew. But how could she ever apologize? She didn't deserve friends. She only deserved drinks and nothing else. She stole money from him from this, he didn't seem to care. He even started leaving her money whenever he left.
Why was he so nice? She shouldn't even return there ever again. He gave her such a nice life. Alex had connections to the higher status, being one of the lucky ones to find family members in Hell. But that was everything he was going to find. His dad was the best he could find, one of the best caretakers in Hell, but still not close to Adrien Marais. But he'll never find... Her.
Of course he won't when she won't help him. He's probably horrible now without her. Tears welled up in her eyes as she laid on the harsh floor, her head throbbing. He's better off without her, she continued telling herself. She was doing him a favor.
But why did everything she thought made her feel bad? She couldn't escape from anything. She constantly felt guilty, but she didn't know how to make it stop. If she hung out with him, it hurt, she felt bad, guilty and paranoid she'd ruin something by being herself. If she wasn't with Alex, she'd feel like she betrayed him, selfish, unsure, paranoid, absolutely overwhelmed with the feeling of loneliness. No matter which idiots she hung out with and had one night stands with, none could compare with just a simple conversation after school with Alex.
Why did this happen?
"I just want to die already..." Mia whispered out into the floor, crouching herself into a crying position.
No people were around her. Everyone was sleeping with their friends in their overcrowded apartments, happy over the second chance they got in life. Only she was crying at the thought of living. She was slowly getting sober and it was painful. Just breathing was painful. She thought hanging herself would end everything... But it just made everything worse.
"I'm sorry, Alex. I'm so sorry." She continued to talk with herself, not knowing how to do it with anyone else.
She never trusted anyone. How could she? Everyone she ever met was terrible to her. But she deserved it. She was terrible too. She continued proving it every day to a greater and greater extent. She didn't deserve a second chance in life. But she did deserve the pain of living after killing herself. Such a selfish action couldn't go untreated.
"I want to go home..." She cried out, a bit louder.
She missed earth. She wanted to go back to her old smelly home. It reeked of alcohol and it was always messy. Drugs were always easy to find there. She could always find it somewhere in her mom's room, it was easy. She didn't even go to highschool, she had no responsibility. Sure, a few beatings a day wasn't that hard, but a cold world was less painful than one filled with guilt and regret. She couldn't handle the love Alex gave her.
"I just want to go home!" She yelled out this time, hoping everyone in Hell heard her loud and clear.
Except nobody did. At least she thought.
"You want to go home?" She heard a high pitched voice.
Mia barely made her head tilt up to see her. She couldn't see much except a huge blurry mess. A small figure that appeared to have pink hair. Mia couldn't exactly answer as she was trying to focus at who she was looking at.
"Do you want to go home, Mia?" The female voice said again, sounding like it belonged to a child.
"... I do." Mia answered, the tears started falling down even harsher and faster as she felt despair hit her entire body.
"Want to do something about it?" She asked her, kneeling and caressing her purple hair gently.
Mia stared wide eyed at the floor as she fell down again, unable to look at one spot for too long. She felt like throwing up. But the question did hit her hard. Did she really deserve to finally make something to help her? Everything she ever did wasn't for herself, it was just a weird mixture of self sabotage. She wanted to do something with her life. She wanted to go back home. She didn't care how. She wanted to go back down to earth and do more. This was just a shit place to live in.
"I do." She said firmly, as much as she could at least.
"Good. We'll need you." The child like voice answered, somewhat like she was satisfied with her answer.
Mia didn't know what was happening anymore. All she knew was that for once in her life, she got knocked out because of alcohol with a feeling that wasn't despair. But with an odd glimmer of hope in her mind.
