The Boy Who Made All The Wrong Choices

IV

I'm gonna try to actually stick to this story. Uhh, I hope this is good.

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I woke up feeling positively horrible. It was very early in the morning, around 4:00 AM if I remember correctly. That's not the problem though. As I'm used to waking up around that time every morning for the past couple of years. I woke up feeling awful because of what happened the night before.

Waking up and wishing you didn't is truly terrible. I've felt this way for a while, but today is the worst, by far. Or close to it.

When I woke up I didn't want to get out of bed. I should've died that night. But dumb old Harry 'The Chosen One' Potter had to go and ruin everything. Honestly, I could just use a killing curse. It's really that simple. But the only reason I've kept on living the past few months was for my mother.

My mother. Narcissa Malfoy. She's the only single thing that kept me sane my entire life, I almost lost it in the sixth year when I had to kill Albus Dumbledore. I was a just a small flick of the wrist away from completely snapping my own sanity in half.

But my mother, being the sweet, wonderful, caring being that she is, hugged me when I was about to fall apart. She would hold me when all the wrong buttons were pushed. She would hold my hands through every panic attack and mental breakdown that shook my body to the core. She would stay up all night if she had to, just to keep me from going insane.

She always told me everything was going to be okay. I was convinced that nothing would, but I guess she ended up being right in the end.

That night, though. I was too lost in my thoughts to remember her. I hid in my mind when I should've paid attention to the rest of the world around me. The fact that I was so close to just... ending it all is honestly terrifying. My mother. Oh, my poor mother would be heartbroken. I can't help but remember something she told me when I was younger.

My mother was holding me as I cried on my bedroom floor. We were leaning against the side of the bed as she hugged me as tight as she could. We were slowly rocking as the tears eventually subsided. She carefully cupped my face in her hands and turned my head to look at her. "Draco... I need you to remember something every time you feel like giving up. Remember that I love you more than anything, I love you more than I love myself. You're such a wonderful boy. I'm so sorry you have to go through this. I should never have let this happen to you."

I hate that she's home alone at the manor. It's such a big place and she has nobody. I've been sending her letters since school started. She's sent me sweets with every letter she sends back.

I couldn't bring myself to get out of bed. I'm not going to any classes today. I can't.

I just rolled over and tried to fall asleep again.

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After tossing and turning in my bed for an hour, I decided to get up and take a shower. I walked into the bathroom and took my shirt off. I stared at my reflection in the mirror.

I'm too skinny.

Really though, I used to have such a beautiful face. And then all of a sudden my cheekbones were too sunken in, I used to have a fit body, but now you could count my ribs. I guess that's what happens when you barely eat for an entire summer. I was too busy laying in bed and pitying myself to do anything all season.

I pushed my thoughts away and turned the water on. I caught myself in the mirror one more time before taking the rest of my clothes off and stepping in the shower. I did the usual things anybody does in the shower. Washed my hair, my body, my face, and walked out.

I dried myself with a soft towel and threw some comfy clothes on. It's not like I'm going anywhere today anyway.

I sat down on my bed and stared at the wall. Nothing and everything was going on in my mind all at once. I looked down at my clothes forearm and rolled the sleeve up to see the dark mark. I grimaced.

I've tried everything to get rid of it. I've scratched at it viciously, I've taken sharp objects like knives, razors, the edge of something plastic. During the summer I even snagged a potato peeler from the kitchen and tried to... peel it off, I guess? Obviously, it didn't work, considering it's still there, clear as day.

I've looked through every book, trying to find anything to get rid of it. I've found absolutely nothing. I guess I'm just cursed to have this forever. A constant reminder that I'm weak, and I've hurt people, and that I'm a traitor. Not only to my family but the school that I basically vowed to destroy by taking the 'Death Eater' title. I'll just have to deal with that.

I let out a long sigh and pulled my sleeve down again. I pulled out some books and began reading their contents. My mother gave me some books from her room that she said she'd enjoyed when she was in school. I thought I wouldn't, but I really enjoyed them. The month school started was the worst. The moment I walked through the doors to the great hall I was yelled at. I heard names being called from all directions, and some students even hexed me. After the worst bouts I would limp up to my bed and pull out one of the books she gave me and get lost in the pages.

I smiled fondly at the memory of her as I stopped paying attention to the real world, and only paid attention to the ink on the pages.