The Lies We Tell

Chapter 17:

Chapter 17:

I've lost everything. They don't realize how bad my mental state really is. It was a rainy morning, fog made it seem spooky. I liked the mid-morning haze though. My parents were still in San Francisco for a few more days and I was fine with it. It gave me time to relax, forget the world. I always said I was not afraid to walk this world alone and it's true. I stared out my bedroom window and into the morning mist. Now was the time, I hadn't done it in months. I got dressed in the black dress I always wore to funerals and went out back to grab some flowers. My wrist was still in it's cast, so I only had one truly useful hand. I dolled myself up and grabbed my penny board. I looked out at the empty streets before making my way down to the edge of town. I skated and tried not to think too much on the way there. When I finally got to my destination I took a seat. The ground was wet and slightly muddy but I didn't care. I sat in front of the gravestone, not anyone's gravestone, my brothers. I stared at it for a second and read the engraving.

Andrew R. Chamberlin
10/21/1998-6/13/2012
Beloved Son, Brother, and Friend. Amazing Lacrosse Player, Excellent Student, Perfect Child. Rest In Peace, #09.

I felt tears rush down my face as I tried to speak to him.

"Hi Andrew, it's been a while, huh? We miss you, I miss you. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I wish you were here to help me because I don't know what I'm doing. I'm so lost and you seemed to have everything figured out, even at 14. Please Andrew... I'm falling apart.... Again. It should've been me, I never should have asked." I let out a muffled cry. "I'm sorry." I cried tears of pain and suffering as I tried to keep talking. "Mom and Dad miss you too. They even cry sometimes, says I remind them to much of you. You were always their favorite, maybe that's why they sent me away just a few months later." I tried to continue but I found it so hard. "I still get nightmares about that night, about what happened. I still think about it, imagine it every single time I close my eyes." I placed the flowers in front of the stone and cried. I felt a hand pat my back and jumped. I turned to see Liam there with tears in his eyes. "Hey...." I said and tried not to make eye contact. I wiped my eyes as he took a seat next to me.

"I hope I'm not intruding. I hope you don't mind." He said as if he was talking to Andrew too. "I'm Liam, Liam Dunbar. I don't know if Addison has said anything about me, but I care for your sister very much, she's my world. I'm guessing she was yours as well." I gave him a small smile as he looked at me. "Why does it say number nine?" He asked. I bit my lip.

"It was his lacrosse number, we tried to get the jersey for a memory but they said that they needed all the jerseys they could get. Your jersey was his jersey, that was one of the first things that caught my eye." I said and he took my hands in his. "He would've loved you. He was in Scott's grade and they don't even remember him." I broke down. The tears wouldn't stop falling as I continued on. "He was my world, he practically raised me. He cared for me, feed me, made sure everything was alright, and then it happened." I cried harder as I spoke. "It was a rainy day, a rainy week, and I wanted to go outside. I wanted to splash in the puddles and run through the rain but something was different. I didn't know anything, I was only 12. We decided to go for a hike in the woods when the storm hit. We got lost, we lost each other. I had wandered to far from him and came across the river. I slipped on the mud next to the creek and feel in. It was flooded from all the rain and the current was too fast. I tried to make it to the bank, I tried to get out. By the time my brother found me, I was having difficulty catching my breath. He jumped in and helped get me our but couldn't quite get out himself. It took 2 days to find his body, floating in the river farther downstream. My parents blamed me, my world was gone, and I was scarred for life. He saved me. He saved me." I cried harder and felt Liam's strong arms hold me tight.

"Addison, you can't blame yourself." He whispered.

"It is my fault." I whispered and looked at his grave. "I'm sorry Andrew, I'm so sorry." I felt Liam pull me close and I cried into his chest.

"He sounds amazing. I really wish I had the chance to meet him." Liam said and kissed the top of my head.

"He was their favorite, he was everyone's favorite. Everyone loved him and now they barely remember his name. It should've been me. They all wished it was me." I said and grabbed onto Liam's shirt as I continued to bawl.

"Addison, that's not true. It's not." He whispered.

"It says perfect child, not son, child. Liam, my parents don't care about me, all they want in the entire world is their son back, and they'd do anything to trade me for him." I yelled. He cupped my cheek in his hand and wiped the tears with his thumb. I gave him a small smile and felt as he sat me on his lap and hugged me tight. "Liam, he had his whole life in front of him and I ruined it. I took that away from him. He's the one who was popular, good at sports, had the perfect grades, and what am I? A nobody, a misfit, a freak." I said.

"But you don't understand. I'm in love with you and I'll wait, whether its a day, a week, a month, I don't care, I'll wait." He said. "You'll always have me. That's a promise."

"I know Liam. I know. It's just that, I've lost everything else, everyone I've ever cared about, gone. People ask me what makes me so harsh, cold, rude, sensitive, well this is it. I lost everything, my only companion, my best friends, you. I ruined it all and I'm just going to ruin it again, and again."

"I don't care Addison. I'm in love with you, the real you, not the girl you think you have to be to captivate my attention. I love the silly, clumsy, beautiful girl that is truly herself around me." I cuddled into his chest as he went on. "You see she has the most gorgeous smile ever, but people say she only gets it around me. Her eyes light up whenever I'm near. One of my favorite things about her though is the feeling I get when she looks at me, the heart stopping, stomach dropping, amazing roller coaster feeling from one little gaze. I'm in love with that girl, she just became a little harsh lately, and most of that is from me." He Held me tight as it started to rain. I listened to it and relaxed. I said goodbye to Andrew and blow him a kiss before getting up and walking hand in hand home with Liam. He gave me a quick kiss on the cheek as he walked me up to the door. I cringed a little bit and gave him an awkward smile. He whispered goodbye before walking down across the street and into his own house. I watched him make his way into the house, staring back at me a few times.

"I miss you." I whispered, knowing he was listening. I watched him smiled and nod, as if saying he misses me too. I shivered as the mist chilled my bones. Finally I made my way inside and into the warmth.

I took a quick shower before anything else. The warm water helped me relax and clear my thoughts. After I got out I looked through my closet, towel wrapped around me, and came across one of Liam's sweatshirts. It was hanging up with the rest of my clothes, partially hidden in the back. I pulled it out and ran my fingers over the soft fabric before slipping it on. It hung down on me, almost down to the middle of my thighs. It still smelt like his cologne. I missed the familiar smell, I missed him. I'm left with a huge hole in my chest that was once filled by my caring brother, and than filled by the angst-ridden lacrosse player I fell in love with....

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Chapter 17! Wow two updates in less than 4 hours! And a little closer look into Addison's scarring past! I actually love this chapter and noticed there wasn't like any comments on the last two chapters :( I really hope this chapter is better than the last too and I'd really love feedback!

QOTD:

If you could ask me any question, what would it be?

~S