Sudden Love (Old Version)

It started with a project

Justin's pov

I sighed quietly as I stood under the hot water of the shower letting it trail down my body and burn my skin making it turn an alarming colour of red.

This is what I have resulted in for my pain to go away, burning my skin with hot water, of course it didn't feel as good as a blade did, but it would have to do for now until I could replace the one Jason had taken and hidden somewhere else, somewhere no one would be able to find it and I could use whenever I wanted.

I cant deal with not doing it, it has become a routine to me, it is an addiction that needs feeding, one that I cant just stop without feeling withdrawal from.

It is kind of like a person that has an addiction to drugs or alcohol, they need their fix otherwise they suffer more without it and they will go through any length to get that fix, to stop the pain that they suffer from not having their dosage, to feel that relief of having it and that is how I feel when I cut myself and it is my own fault but there is nothing that I can do about it now, it is too late to turn back.

I opened my eyes and stood up straight reaching over to retrieve my coconut shampoo, opening the bottle and squirting some in my palms, I placed the bottle back and then started to scrub my hair scratching at my scalp in the process.

Washing the shampoo out of my hair then repeating the process with conditioner, once I was satisfied with my hair, I grabbed my matching coconut shower gel and squirted some on my wash cloth then started to scrub my already red skin but I liked the burn that it was giving me as I closed my eyes in bliss.

I understand why people don't like me or speak to me, I am the freak that everyone believes I am, I am weird and worthless, I know Jason tries to compliment me as much as he can whenever he feels he can fit one in, but he needs to realize that I don't believe any of those compliments, they go in through one ear and out the other and I smile to show him that I appreciate the effort he puts into trying to make me happy and yes of course he makes me happy most of the time, but I'm not happy if you get what I mean.

I get feelings more now but only around Jason and snuffles and lily, Jason makes me feel a lot of things, he makes me feel like I'm loved and cherished, he makes me feel happy but sad when he teases me with his kisses, he gives me butterflies and makes my heart beat quicken by just the sight of him or just by being near me, he makes me smile my broken smile even when and if I don't want to smile, he makes me feel a little better no matter what I could be going through.

He always knows what to do or say to make my day a little brighter than the constant darkness I live in, he always makes those same tingles run through my body at just a simple touch or a kiss on the forehead, he helps to keep my fears at bay, he is helping me fight demons that I am discovering and he is falling in love with me and I don't know if I am him.

I'm confused, my brain doesn't function like everyone else's but I think I am and the one thing I hate that he has made me feel, the one thing that makes me hate myself more is that I am scared of losing him, I need him.

I washed the soap suds off of my body then quickly washed my face and switched off the water, I stepped out of the shower and onto the memory foam rug, grabbing the towel that I had placed to the side and wrapping it around my hips avoiding looking at all my ugly scars, I then grabbed the other towel and dried my face then started to towel dry my hair.

When it was damp I threw the towel in the hamper then dried off my body and slipped on a pair of boxers throwing the other towel into the hamper as well before slipping on my grey jeans then my white shirt straightening it out, I sat down in the edge of the toilet seat and put on my socks then my white supras and stood up and walked over to the sink to clean my teeth.