It had been 2 years since the war had ended and the boys returned home. They were all affected by the horrors. Arthur used snow to help forget about everything and Tommy would keep everything inside until he was alone. Everyone thought that John was fine, but they didn't see what he was like when nobody was around. He broke down in bed whenever he thought you were sleeping. Most nights you'd wake up and comfort him. Others he cried himself to sleep, holding you as if you were gonna slip away and he'd be back in the trenches.
It was almost 2 in the morning and you'd woke up to John not being in bed. This was the norm for the past few weeks. He'd usually be Sat by the fire smoking a cigar and tonight was no different. You trudged down the stairs and stood in the doorway,admiring your boyfriends face. "John" you whispered softly. He looked at you and sighed "come to bed,it's late" he threw his cigar in the fire and got up to walk to you. He put his hands on your waist and rested his head on yours. Your small hands held his face as he looked into your eyes, you could see all the hurt he had experienced through those eyes and it hurt you to see him in pain and not able to do anything about it.
"I'm gonna get a glass of water and then I'll be up to you okay?" John nodded and released his grip, walking past you to head to your bedroom.
It had been an hour and you were sat in johns chair looking at pictures of you both together. He was so much happier before he went off to war. You were looking at one of your favourite pictures. You were outside the Shelby house and you were on John's back, he was looking up at you with a big grin on his face as you were ruffling his hair. Your John was happy then. Your thoughts were broken by the sound of John's screams and shouts. You rushed up the stairs as fast as you legs could carry you and burst through the bedroom door. John was sat on the edge of the bed,shaking violently, tears falling from his eyes and sobs erupting from his throat.
You rushed over to him and knelt down in between his legs and forced him to look at you. "John! John look at me! It's okay, I'm here John. Look at me!" Tears fell from your eyes it always pained you to see him like this. He finally acknowledged that you were there and pulled you into him,hugging you as tight as he could.
"I can't stop them Y/N, I keep seeing the faces and the voices and the noises and I can't make it go away!" By now he was full on crying into your shoulder. He pulled away from you and you put your hands on his cheeks "I'm here John, I'm never gonna let you go I promise. You'll get better and it will take some time but I'm here. I promise" John wiped away his tears and looked at you, trying to figure out why you were still with him. He was a broken man now. He was supposed to be looking after you and comforting you,not the other way around.
"It's late John, you should try getting some sleep" you pulled away from him and stood up. Panic stretched across his face "Don't leave me here alone" your heart broke at the sight of him "I'm not John, I'm just gonna turn the light out"
John released a breath he didn't know he was holding. You curled up beside John, his strong arms snaked around you and cuddled you into him. "I can't sleep Y/N, I'm scared something is going to happen" he muttered,barely audible. "Just close your eyes John, you'll be okay. No one is going to hurt you now. In the morning you'll be safe and sound and I'll be right here next to you" he nuzzled his face into your neck as you played with his hair, it always helped him to sleep and in no time he was snoring away. You looked down at the sleeping man and silent tears fell onto his head. This wasn't your John, your John wasn't scared to go to sleep, your John was always smiling and laughing, your John wasn't like this. But dammit, you were going to do everything you could to help him and get your John back.
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~~~~ John has always been my favourite Shelby brother - who's yours? ❤️
