Why Me?-YOONMIN

The Decision

YOONGI POV:

I am a little edgy. It is true. As I am walking across this bridge, I reflect on the decisions and the events that led me here. The start of horrible rumors, the constant bullying and shaming that I deal with on a daily, and my GOD awful parents.

I have never been comfortable with the way I look. I actually hate myself and my parents don't help a bit. I am currently a student at a high school in Seoul but I hate every single living aspect of high school. I am constantly bullied for my "emo-ness" and my almost sickly body. I am too thin. I made myself this way. I still hate it though. There were rumors spread about me at my school and they were anything but kind. It was rumored that I had sex with a teacher because I was too stupid to get good grades. It was also rumored that I was put up for adoption cause I was such a disappointment to my parents. Which I am a disappointment to them but not enough to get kicked out, yet.

Now my parents are the absolute worst. Also, they are alcoholics and insane. That is just one reason why I HATE alcohol. I hate everything about it. There are so many other things that make them the worst parents ever other than just their alcoholism. They are bullies, to put it lightly. They are bigger bullies then the ones at school but I guess that I am used to it. No! I am lying. I will never get used to it. I already hate myself and they make it worse. I am a complete disappointment to them. Whatever I do it is not good enough. I have all A's except in English. I struggle a little in English. I can write! I really can, but I don't like sharing my work so I don't turn the assignments in. It is not that I am so proud of my work that I don't want anyone to steal it but more along the lines of I barely accept my own work and do not want to be judged by others more than I already am. My parents see my B in English as the bane of life itself. Whatever I do it is not good enough for them. I don't understand why my hardest, my best isn't good enough. I don't understand. Why am I not good enough? Will I ever be?

All of this would probably be different if I had friends. But I don't. I had one friend but they passed away last year and I have kept on going downhill since then. I am very introverted and I like to spend time by myself, but everyone needs friends. Right? It is not that I don't want friends. Believe me I do. But making them isn't as easy as it seems when you have rumors spread about you constantly. Everyone needs someone that they can talk to about anything and my one and only friend was taken from me by some idiot. He was murdered in a car accident by a driver that was under the influence. That is the main reason why I despise alcohol. 

I hate alcohol. I hate high school. I hate the constant rumors. I hate bullies. I hate my situation. I hate everything right now. I just need to end it all. 

As I finish reflecting, I find no reason to carry on. No last hope. No saving grace. Nothing to keep me here. I start the climb to make my jump.