Heroine [Sillie]

+Fireworks+

Song:we fell in love in october by girl in red

+Millie+

I can't believe I just had my first kiss with a girl! I mean I'm not gay or anything, I was just helping Sadie out with the dare. It probably meant a lot to her, completing the dare. Also I just really wanted to have my first kiss. It's not a big deal to me. "How much longer till midnight?" Noah asked as everyone but Sadie were now in the living room playing video games and eating junk food. Mom was in the kitchen cleaning up when she turned her head back to check the time on the clock. "It's already eleven twenty six, so about half an hour. You're not tired, are you?" The short brunette woman in her forties questioned the youngest boy here. He yawns as he shook his head and laid across the couch.

"When it's midnight, we're gonna go outside and watch the fireworks." Finn tells our mom. She nods before wiping her hands on her pants and grabbing her phone from off the table. "Okay just come get me before y'all go out, I wanna come too." She says before jogging upstairs. I was getting kind of bored just standing around and watching the boys play video games and cursing at the cartoons on the tv. I wanted to go talk to Sadie, she's probably outside doing something cool. I slip away from everyone and head towards the sliding glass doors that leads to the backyard.

I carefully open it and poke my head outside to see the older girl with a green beanie covering the top of her head. She was smoking a cigarette when she turned her head to look at me and wave with a straight face. I slip out the door and shut it before stepping closer to her. She was leaning against the outer wall of the house while looking up at the sky where some fireworks from a few streets down were going off. I stood beside her in silence, watching as well. After a couple minutes I heard her chuckle. "Your brother would shit his pants if he saw us just standing like this." She tells me before holding her cigarette up to her chapped pink lips. She's right, Finn would probably lock me up in my room for a whole week if he found out that I was out here with Sadie, but I don't care.

I respond to that statement with a soft hum before another big firework had gone up. It was a pretty purple one. "That kid seriously needs to chill. He shouldn't tell you who you can and can't hang out with, but I get that he's worried about you and it all comes from a place of love." The red head explains. I nod before just staring down at my shoes awkwardly. "I wish I had someone like that." I could see smoke coming from her mouth out of the corner of my eye. I don't really like smoking or people who smoke, but it's not like I could just tell her to stop. She probably wouldn't listen to me or laugh in my face and keep smoking. "You taste good by the way." Sadie had spoke up again.

I gaze up at her with my eyebrows pinched together. She looks into my eyes as well. "Your lips, I mean. From the kiss. You tasted...minty and fresh." My face relaxes and my cheeks feel a little warm now. I look back up at the bright and colorful sky. "Thanks...I brushed my teeth before the party so that's probably why." I say, thinking about her lips. When she kissed me, I felt like my stomach was bubbling and my knees could no longer support me in that moment. She tasted like smoke, but I didn't mind in that moment. "Did it mean anything to you? Like...did sparks start flying around the room when we kissed or something cheesy like that?" The ginger chuckles before turning her whole body to face me but she still leans against the wall. I giggle a little before shrugging and leaning against the house as well.

"I don't know. I mean it wasn't bad, but it's not like it really meant anything. It was just apart of your dare and... I didn't mind helping you." I began to explain to her. She nods like she was agreeing as she inhaled her cigarette. "It was my first kiss though." Sadie raised her eyebrows in surprise and shame. "Oh, I'm so sorry, I didn't-" "No it's okay, I don't care. I think people who make a big deal out of their first anything are kind of...stupid." I assure the girl with a smile. The red head frowned a bit and looked at the ground for a moment as she started talking again. "Well firsts are kind of important. You wouldn't want to have a bad experience with your first time on anything." Sadie glanced back up at me with a plain expression. I guess she takes her first times seriously. I didn't think she was one of those people. She seems so chill.

I wanna get to know more about the girl. What she likes to do on the weekends, what music she listens to, where she would like to go on vacation. I want to become friends with her. "What was your first kiss like?" I ask with a small grin. She shook her head and looked away. "I don't like to talk about that kind of stuff." She continues to smoke. She must not be interested in talking to me any morning. Maybe I've hurt her feelings. I guess I should apologize. "I'm sorry for saying that first times don't matter...my first times don't matter to me, but others do." Sadie looks back at me before sighing and faking a smile. "I get it. It's just..." She stopped herself before shaking her head and staring down at the ground.

I step closer to her and try to get her attention. "Just?" I question. Sadie threw her cigarette on the ground before dragging it with her foot. "Nothing. Just some stuff from my past." She mutters before stuffing her hands in her pockets. My face turned serious for a moment. I'm guessing that something happened to her and she doesn't like to talk about it. I didn't mean to make her feel uncomfortable or anything, I kind of feel bad now. "Hey, you don't have to share anything with me if you don't want to. You don't owe me an explanation, Sadie." My heart started beating a little faster after calling her by her name. I've never said her name around her, only when talking to Finn about her. The red head smiled shyly before looking back up at me.

"Thank you, Millie." I liked it when she said my name, it made me feel different. I began to relax more around her. I no longer felt nervous around her or anything. I felt safe talking to Sadie. We kept talking and talking until we heard screams coming from the front yard. "Twenty nineteen!" I hear my brother shouting. More fireworks started going off from all different directions. I guess it's the new year now. "Wow, it's midnight." Sadie said, showing me the time on her phone. It was indeed midnight, as well as two thousand and nineteen. "Woah. Happy New Year." I said to the older girl. She chuckles as she put her phone away. "Happy New Year, Mills." We stood there looking at each other in the dark. Fireworks illuminated Sadie's freckled face, loud booms and screams were heard in the distance.

I noticed Sadie's face growing closer and closer and my lips just parted a bit as I felt my eyes closing. My heart was pounding and the anticipation was growing stronger and stronger. It seemed like time was growing slower as I wait to feel the older girl's lips on mine. Finally, her lips collide with my own and I feel her tongue against mine. She grabs my hips with her hands as I reach up and touch her face with one of my hands, the other one resting on her arm. We made out just like that for a while and it was the best kiss I've ever had, as well as my first kiss of twenty nineteen.

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I have taken my life and shat on it and that is why it is so awful. I just get so close to people and I like them a lot and when I finally notice that I push them away because I'm afraid that I'll mess it up. The only problem is I've already messed up the relationship by pushing them away. I don't know if she's reading this(you know who you are) or if she'll EVER even read this but I'm sorry, genuinely. I'm such a huge fuck up and I miss you so much and I didn't mean to shove you out of my life and hurt you in the process. I just became paranoid and anxious and listened to the stupid part of my brain rather than the smart part of my heart. I should have also respected your boundaries and not have asked you something that would have made things so complicated, I just felt like you didn't know that I love you enough.

I know she won't read that because she blocked me but I feel like if I don't say this then my decisions will haunt me forever. I'm done being emotional so here's the actual authors note.

Who should be Finn and Millie's mom?
I know they're actually mothers, not personally, but I don't know if you all want me to choose between those two or if maybe you wanted to construct your human using your imagination or if Maybe you were thinking that Harry Styles should play their mother. Just let me know in the comments and I'll do whatever the majority of you want me to do.💊