Heroine [Sillie]

+ "D" Like Date+

Song:i'm tired of feeling this way
by elijah who

+Millie+

Winter break had ended this past Monday, which means Finn went back to school and mom started picking up more shifts at work with the holidays being over and such. I had some more time to myself of course. After I finished some of my school work and had some lunch, Finn came home and threw his stuff down by the front door before running up the stairs. Who the fuck does this kid think he is coming in here and just leaving stuff all over the place?

"Finn!" I shout. "I'm busy!" "With!?" I didn't get a response. I let out an annoyed sigh before getting up to pick up his book bag and set it down by the front door so he'll remember to take it up to his room like he's supposed to. The boy came back downstairs shortly after and went straight to the kitchen as he was mumbling something to himself. He looked happy? Curious to know what's going on, I followed him to the kitchen where I saw him getting water from the fridge. "I'm so dehydrated. I need to calm down. I can't though." He says to himself quietly yet quickly before sipping the water from the glass.

"Finn, what's going on? Why are you in such a good mood?" I ask before he began choking. He coughs and gasps for air with his head over the sink. "Thirty?" "Shut up." He says after he's done with his choking fit. I lean against the counter and ask again. "Why are you so hyper?" The boy with the black curls started smiling again. "I asked Lilia Buckingham if she would go on a date with me tonight and she said she would." Finn tells me. I start to feel weird on the inside. What is this feeling? Jealousy? But I don't get jealous very often. I'm just a little annoyed that my brother gets to go hang out with friends until midnight and go on dates while I stay home. I swear I never even leave the property and I only go outside to check the mail or just sit on the porch and watch the neighborhood.

I put on a fake smile and try not to slam my head against the counter. "Oh wow, that sounds like fun." "Yeah I've been meaning to ask her all week but she's been hanging out with this other guy since school started again and..." my older brother goes on to talk about these people from his school. Sometimes when Finn talks about all his friends from school it makes me want to go, but there are also some not so fun moments for him. He talks about rude teachers, creepy guys who sexually harass girls, being pressured to do so much work in one day. It's things like that that keeps me from going to a public high school.

+

It was almost seven o'clock and the sun was going down. Mom came home and was making green beans with mashed potatoes and gravy for dinner. Finn won't be joining us, he's going to Steak n Shake after the cinema. He's going to be gone for a long time too. Says he won't be back until eleven. I wish I had a boyfriend. We would go on dates every weekend, I'd let him sleepover at my place if mom thinks it's okay, we'll stay up really late to talk about our future and our ambitions. He would be so handsome too. He'll be tall so he can pick me up at random times to swing me around and give me kisses. Unfortunately that'll never happen.

It's getting closer to seven and I'm still sitting in the recliner near the window while I stare out of it. My elbow on the armrest and my cheek in my palm. I'm miserable. Then through the sounds of the tv playing some show about a hospital that my mom likes and gravy quietly bubbling on the stove, I hear footsteps on the carpeted stairs. They grow closer and closer before they stop. "Bye mom! I'll be back before midnight!" "Bye baby, I love you!" Finn leaves through the front door. I watch him without an expression as he goes down the walkway and to the driveway to get in mom's car. She let him borrow it for the date tonight as long as he promised to mow the grass and wash the windows tomorrow.

I let a tear escape my eye and roll down my cheek as I watch my brother take off down the street in mom's car. I don't wipe it away, sniffle, or sob. I let more flow down my face with a sigh. "Millie moo, are you okay?" My mother uses my childhood nickname. For the longest time, my mother had called me "Millie Moo" because I was learning the sounds that animals make and my mom said "Cows say 'moo'. Moo starts with the letter 'M' like Millie." It was funny when I was a baby, now it's just a bit...outdated.

"Nothing, mom." I respond as calmly as possible as I use the sleeve of my sweater to wipe my tears away before running my fingers through my hair to keep it out of my vision. My mom had dropped it, or so I thought. I heard her coming into the living room and sitting what sounded like plates and silverware on the coffee table. I don't turn away from the window as it would feel like I'm being taken out of the world, out of life. I heard the woman walking across the carpeted floor. Then a hand runs over top of my head and I get a kiss just on my hairline. "Dinner is ready. I figured we'd eat in the living room tonight since it's just us." Mom tells me. I don't give her a response. I keep looking out at the street where the car just was.

She pets my hair again after the silence and puts a hand on my shoulder. "Please come join me." Mother begs. I exhale slowly through my nose and turn away from the window to stand up and sit on the couch with my mom. She let me choose what we watch and draped my favorite blanket over my lap. I knew that she knew that I was upset, that's why she's letting me do all of this. My half eaten plate was sat in my lap. I look at the streaks of gray across my plate as I imagine myself on a date with a handsome man. We sit across from each other in a dimly lit restaurant with soft jazz playing. There's people around us, but it feels like we're alone with the setting. Sadie grabs my hand and places a kiss atop it. I can almost feel her lips on me again. Wait, did I say Sadie? I don't mean Sadie, I'm on a date with a boy. I like boys exclusively.

"Millie," Mom spoke up, pulling me back to reality. I look up at her and she smiles as she puts a hand to my cheek gently. "You're my special girl. Do you know that?" I nod slowly. The woman with brown hair like mine leans in to give me a kiss on my forehead for the second time tonight. Suddenly I had almost blurted a question. "Will I go on a date someday like Finn?" I regret asking that. I just feel so awkward talking about things like love and romance with my mom, but sometimes it makes me feel like an adult with the way she responds. Mother cocks her head to the side and grins. "Yes, honey." She answers simply before scooting closer to me to rest her head on my shoulder. I continue to finish my dinner while we watch tv together.

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I made this pretty long because I wanna write longer chapters. No more 1000 words or less, we're gonna reach for the stars now...the stars are 1300+ words today.

Have you ever been on a date before? What was it like?💊