An extract from a book i'll never write | Poetry |

Two: INTERTWINED

Was it seconds?
Was is Minutes, hours or days?
Whatever it was I wanted to stay there like that forever.
In the silence of the night, our fingers intertwined.

The seconds passed like memories older than noon passing through a child's racing mind
So unable to cling on to a single thought just for a second,
Or like a dog chasing blue cars, unable to reach them to catch one and unable to stop chasing them just like an addiction. To the rush, to the thrill and to the excitement.
But what I was truly feeling in that moment was like a pretty moth wearing bright coloured clothing with rare jewels,
Dancing in the artificial golden light of a diamond chandelier. At that moment I was dancing something I had never practised or performed. But the steps of the performance rushed into my head overflowing my mind. I wanted to dance forever. Dancing and burning until I could burn no more.

When seconds turned to minutes I started to doubt my place in your perfect bittersweet world.
I am an insomniac I am afraid of sleep in the dead of night, I try counting sheep but I can only think of reasons to stay awake.
My insomnia has a romantic way of making the moon feel like perfect company and the world a hopeless nightmare.
You see?
I am wrapped up in a cloud of my own sadness and loneliness. The cloud I travel on has a silver lining that will never go away, and I am too blind to see it.
I always see the bad in every situation, and in people too. So I'm sorry if I push you away.
Too many times I have opened my heart to show the world, in a book filled with fancy lettering and beautiful pages, when they see what I had written they had folded corners and ripped out their favourite pages and signed it with a simple goodbye in sloppy handwriting.

Soon the minutes changes into an hour and I felt at peace with the company of another person for once, what would I have been without you.
I've never been so close to someone like that, and I've never felt as calm as I did with you. Whenever our hand intertwined my raging mind disappeared and I felt safe and somewhere I belonged, and I knew it was with you.
Every time your hand moved even slightly my heart sank fearing that they would let go and I would be left alone in the dark again, a silent voice inside my mind pleaded for you to not let go.
As time passed on my mind wandered into a calm sleep with no nightmares and terrors that plague my mind.

However, everything must end as I feared it would.
The child will age and begin to think clearer
The dog will grow tired of chasing blue cars
And the moth will burn and die.
When the night ends our intertwined fingers will separate and the company of my shadows and nightmares is all I have.
And at the end of the day
That has to be enough.