An extract from a book i'll never write | Poetry |

84: FOR THE BETTER

I want to be happy with her
I am happy with her to be more correct.

Yet your words twist around my limbs tripping me over.
Everything I said I never wanted is now becoming true
Your labelling a cage and renaming it my home

Listen here... I know your reading this because I know you

Please just let me go.
Properly this time don't hold on to the past,
Because I know what it will end up doing.

It will only cause you and me pain,
It will be like a black hole surrounding both of us yet it only feeds on emotions and all the bad days that are still to come.

The way our contactless conversations converse across this word without ever needing to talk face to face.
It's weird and different.
It just makes this...well it makes it hurt too much.

I don't know why your too afraid to talk to an actual human being face to face about a problem that needs to be sorted out face to face but ok that just how you manage people.
But remember not everyone will want to talk to a brick wall that you place me in front of.

But this...thus hurts me too. It hurts me so much that I hate myself for what you tell me that I'm causing you pain.
Your killing me with words and I don't think you even know that.
I need to live, I want to live.
She has taught me the sweetness in this bittersweet world.
So please, please, please please
Let go and be free even if it takes you a while just know that it's for the best and you'll be better in the end

For a time I thought you were ok and you were better than before but now I see you were lying like the rest of us.
So to help you and maybe me I'll stop writing about the Jelly Bean girl I once knew.
I'll stop creating memories into words about the best of days spent with her.

I'll become a stranger once more to my Jelly Bean Queen.