An extract from a book i'll never write | Poetry |

21: GOODBYE FRIEND

I have stopped searching
for my poems in your memories

I have stopped searching
for your smiles as my drug

I have stopped  searching
for my inspiration in your arms

I have stopped searching
for your hands sewn to mine in winter

I have stopped searching
for your face in Polaroid pictures

I have stopped searching
for my freedom to be forgotten by you

I have stopped searching
for your eyes to connect with mine

I have stopped searching
for those butterflys that pull with my emotions

I have stopped searching
for wanting to see the starts with you at midnight

I have stopped searching
for your affection and permission

I have stopped searching
for someone to fight for that won't care for me

I have stopped searching
for new scars across my body that you have given me

I have stopped searching
for popularity to gain you attention

I have stopped searching
for tear-filled nights from harmful emotions that you present me with

I have stopped searching
for songs and playlists that have your name imprinted on it

I have stopped searching
for characters in books that are in the same position as me

I have stopped searching
for reasons to live when you show me reasons to die

I have stopped searching
for permission to have fun

I have stopped searching
for live chats that you do just to see your face

I have stopped searching
for different ways that you say my name

I have stopped searching
for excuses to others on your behalf

I have stopped searching
for lies that I say to my parents all because of a festival

I have stopped searching
for winter sleepovers, sleeping by your side

I have stopped searching
for ways to immortalise memories

I have stopped searching
for ways that you shame me and that make me doubt myself

I have stopped searching
for reasons to love, in your eyes

I have stopped searching
for you, in every heart, I come across.