An extract from a book i'll never write | Poetry |

Four: YEARNING FOR YOU

There you are, standing on the edge of the world as if nothing could ever harm you. Your eyes are gazing at the ocean and watching the waves attack the rocks down.

Just for a moment, I wonder if you would ever gaze at me like you look at the ocean or even if you would ever feel the same, but I quickly cast that thought away because I already know what the answer would be

But every part of you calls me and drags me in, its like you have a black hole surrounding you at all times and everyone is immune except me. I guess you can call me weak and pathetic but I can't escape from your grasp. Your lips that speak in an unspoken language that I try to analyse, trying to understand if anything would lead it back to me, or if there was a hidden code or message that only I would understand. Sometimes I can't control myself when you speak in a mystery toung. Sometimes you make me crazy and I just want to hold you and call you mine, but I know you would never let that happen. The more I try to cast my eyes away they are pulled back, my eyes are prisoners to your beauty.

The wind lifts up your hair sending ripples down my spine as it sings poetic symphonies as they reach your ears and I wonder for a moment if I could ever sing and catch your imagination as it reaches the very depths of your soul.

How do I tell you how much you mean to me without ruining what we have? I need to be truthful to you, but would you think me as poison as you began to understand what I want because if I could tell you I feel like you would just push me away and I would be back to where I started.

So how do say "I love you" to someone who doesn't like you back

I don't know what to do and it's killing me. It's suffocating that even though we are so near it seems like we're a million worlds apart. If I could travel through space and time, I'd travel to wherever you are, if you would let me. I want to quit the distance that we have between us and remove the emptiness that resides in my broken lovesick heart.

if I could tell you everything that I feel about you, what you make me feel and how you are everything to me, I would but I think that it would overflow you and you would be left speechless for days or you would just laugh and say "We're just friends Rose!" And I think that would kill me, i don't want to lose you but I fear that I would if you thought I just wanted to be friends.

Friends don't want the other to hold them and kiss them like the way I want you. Friends don't want to fall asleep in your company and wake up with you sill by my side. I'm scared that if I were to kiss you-you would back away in disgust and in horror and you would throw me away like a broken gift or would you let me carry on and pull me closer as all my wishes are granted because they all lead back to you.

What's there to lose, right?