Craig of the Dead

33. Craig Loses His Mind (And Doesn't Regret It)

Tweek, of course, immediately began screaming and hyperventilating, yelling at them how it wasn't fair because they were supposed to be saving us. Craig looked like he was going to just roll his eyes and ignore him, but instead he weaved his way through the crowd and gave his boyfriend a tight hug, whispering some inaudible things to him.

"OKAY, EVERYONE WHO IS IN FIFTH GRADE OR BELOW, GO INSIDE! NOW!" Craig bellowed after breaking away. "THE REST OF US, GET IN A CIRCLE!"

"Kenny, I don't wanna go inside." Karen said, following behind me as I headed to the circle that was forming.

"Okay, then don't." I replied, squeezing my way into the group.

"Hey Craig! This isn't fair, how the little kids get a free pass! They do nothing here, come on, just make the little kids go!" An older boy complained.

"No, the little kids aren't going." Kyle, Kevin, and I growled simultaneously. The sixth grader sneered at us but ultimately shut up.

"Yeah, no little kids are going. Okay, first they said we needed someone who hasn't been bit or scratched or anything. Just a normal person who has had the least amount of contact with the undead." A plan immediately began forming in my head, but it was gonna have to wait until the last minute. It would be easier that way.

"Oh Jesus..." Scott squeaked, beginning to quiver. "Okay.... well please remember me then..."

"Scott, we aren't sending you. You're too pure, it would be like if we sent Butters." Craig replied, intensely scanning the group for potential candidates.

"Hey, what about Cartman? Nobody's gonna miss him. Let's just go get him from inside and toss him in the car." Stan offered. "Kyle, would you like the honors?"

"No.... as much as he deserves it, it wouldn't be right. Whoever's going needs to go of their own free will." Kyle admitted. Wow, now that was a heroic person. Or maybe just a really morally good one.

"I'm with Kyle on this one. Sorry Stan, it's a pretty tempting offer, but I don't think so." Craig said, nodding. "Okay guys, I'll just go. The members of Craig's Crew will take over after I'm gone, okay?"

"No! Craig, you can't go! Please please please please, you don't understand!" Tweek pleaded, becoming a shaking nervous wreck.

"Shut up, Tweek, pull yourself together. I can go. You guys will be fine without me." Stan offered.

"Fat chance." Shelly laughed. "Stan's not going."

"Why is everyone so fucking heroic?" I mumbled. "Plus, you said we needed to pick two people. Craig, what's the second person's requirements?"

"Uh, Tweek, don't freak out..."

"Promise me that you won't go!"

"Fine, I promise or whatever. The second person must be scratched by a zombie." Craig scanned the group again, trying to find a good candidate.

"Tweek's got a scratch." One of the older kids pointed out.

"That he does." Tweek quite possibly jumped five feet in the air at the voice. One of the scientists must have gotten nosy and eavesdropped on our conversation. Tweek's legs wobbled like jelly as she inspected the oozing cut, squeezing Tweek's face as she did.

"I don't know you..." Tweek wheezed. Everyone's eyes shot to Craig, waiting to see how he'd react. His eyes blazed and his whole body shook with anger. At least that was one thing Craig and I had in common. Both of us were pretty chill...most of the time. But if you messed with anyone close to us, we would fuck you up. And that's exactly what Craig did.