Craig of the Dead

40. Stupid Gooers

Okay, let's rock and roll, baby.

I pushed myself off my bed, all my rats squeaking at the sudden movement.

"Yeah yeah, I know. I'm back a little earlier than expected, but this is important." I told them, slipping my shoes on. I couldn't afford to waste any time.

That meant walking wasn't an option. I don't really know how to drive, not really, but I know Token has a few extra cars. The keys should still be at his house. Grabbing a few frozen Eggo Waffles from the fridge, I took off running towards the richest part of town.

It only occurred to me as I was running that I had left my gun, well, at school, and had taken no weapons with me from my own house. I ducked into an alley really quickly, just to see if there were any weapons I could use. I eventually settled on a broken rusty pipe that was one tug away from being a zombie-mashing machine. After looking around some more and seeing no other options lying around, I gave the pipe a hard yank. Good news: It pulled free, and now I could defend myself if needed. Bad news: The sharp edge gave me a nasty reminder of my thievery. A jagged scrap along my forearm that stung like hell.

Well shit, tetanus here I come.

"That doesn't take, like, hours to kill, does it?" I asked to no one in particular, shedding my parka and wrapping it around my arm. "Right? Like a few days at least. Right?" The empty air I was talking to gave no reply. "I'm, like, 69% sure..." I muttered, walking out of the alley with my new weapon and snickering at my own awful joke.

Now with a giant metal rod in hand, I took off running down the street once again.

About twenty minutes later, I found myself staring at the large mansion. Yeah, I know it's not technically a mansion, but coming from someone who lives in a shack, it sure looked it.

Okay, so the keys would be inside. I began to head there first. The doors were locked, like I expected, so I used my trusty pipe to smash the window in. The sound of glass shattering was followed up by a scream.

Wait, was someone in there?

"HELLO?" I bellowed, carefully easing my way over the glass shards. Injuries would only slow me down.

"LISTEN HERE, MOTHERFUCKER, I HAVE A KNIFE AND I WON'T HESITATE TO CUT YOUR UNDEAD ASS TO BITS!" Whoa, what the hell? That was...that was definitely a kid's voice. Either that or Damien, but he was in Hell right now, so it couldn't be him.

"I'M NOT INFECTED, I SWEAR!" Despite my legs being sore from running, I took off sprinting around the gigantic house, peaking my head into each room to try to find the source of the shouting.

"OH YEAH? THAT'S WHAT THE OTHER GUY SAID! THAT GOOER WAS A LYING BASTARD!"

"FINE THEN! I'LL TAKE SOME KEYS, TAKE A CAR, AND LEAVE TO GO WARN CRAIG AND EVERYONE ELSE!" I nonchalantly stopped searching and began slowly meandering towards the garage. I know how little kids operate. A few seconds later, I heard little footsteps pattering down the hall. I started to turn around, but the cocking of a gun stopped me in my tracks.

"Follow my orders or else I swear to god I'll shoot your brains out." The nozzle was pressed against my back. "And drop the pipe!"

"Fine, whatever, it would be a hassle to have to run all the way back here..." I mumbled, letting my weapon clatter to the ground.

"What do you mean? A hassle? You'd be dead, asshat."

"Sure. Now, what are your demands? Cuz whatever they are, I can guarantee you I've done a lot worse for a lot l—"