YouTube Gamer One Shots

Anxiety Attacks (Ze)

I couldn't believe that was actually going through with this. After spending a few years together with my boyfriend Steven, better known as ZeRoyalViking, I decided that going to college would be a good idea.

"You really don't have to go to college just because I'm taking online classes." Steven told me as we walked onto the campus.

Unlike Steven, I felt like going to a campus would help me.

"I know, but I want to do something with my life." I said.

Steven and I took my things into my dorm.

"I know you know, but this is going to be your first time away from your family and away from me." Steven reminded me.

"I know that this was going to be something new and that my anxiety would probably cause a few problems, but I knew that if I wanted to do something with my life, I needed to go to through with this.

"I can do this, Steven. I promise." I said as we began to arrange my dorm room.

"I know you can, sweetheart." Steven said.

Once we got everything unpacked, Steven and I shared a hug.

"Thank you so much for believing in me, Steven." I said.

"Of course I believe in you. I love know." He said and kissed the top of my head.

"I love you too." I said.

We broke the hug and looked around my new room.

"If you're okay, I need to go record a video for today." Steven told me.

The thought of him leaving me alone made me want to cry, but I needed to be strong.

"Yeah. Say hi to the guys for me." I said, fighting back the tears.

Steven smiled and pulled me back into a hug.

"Call me whenever you need me." He told me.

I nodded my head against his chest. Steven pulled away and walked out the door. Throughout all of this, I refused to let the tears fall.

Sometime late, my roommate moved in and decided to invite me to go eat with her and her family. Once we finished our meal, my roommate dropped me off at the campus. As soon as I entered our room, I started feeling sick to my stomach. I rushed into the bathroom and emptied out my stomach into the toilet. The day soon turned to night. Unlike my roommate, I was not able to find sleep, so I called Steven.

"(Y/n), it's 1 in the morning. You should be asleep." Steven said when he answered.

"I know, but... I can't sleep." I said.

"Are you okay?" He asked.

"I'm fine." I lied.

"Well if you're fine, I actually need to get some sleep." He said.

"Oh, sorry." I apologized. "Goodnight. I love you."

"I love you too." Steven said before hanging up.

I put the phone down and felt tears fill my eyes. I couldn't stop them, so I just cried myself to sleep.

The next day went exactly like the first. And so did the third. Everything I ate, I threw up. Everytime I tried to sleep, I couldn't until I cried myself to sleep. But the third night was my last straw. That night, I cried uncontrollably. Then I started hyperventilating. I put my arms over my head and began to rock back and forth. I needed someone, but I didn't want to disturb my roommate; I also didn't want Steven to think that I was weak. I decided my best opinion was to text Steven instead of calling him. I grabbed my phones with shaky hands.

"I think I'm having a panic attack." I said, cutting to the chase.

"What? Why?" Steven asked.

"I'm crying and shaking and hyperventilating." I answered.

My phone immediately began ringing. I didn't answer. I couldn't find enough strength to talk. My phone rang again, but I still didn't answer.

"Why aren't you answering your phone?" Steven asked.

"Can't talk." I said simply.

"If you don't answer, I'll call campus security." Steven threatened.

"No, no, no." I said.

Steven tried calling me again, and this time I answered.

"Are you okay?" He asked.

"I don't know." I sobbed into the phone.

"Just breathe in and out slowly. Calm down." He said.

I did exactly what he said, calming my breathing down.

"I'm okay." I said.

"(Y/n), tell me what exactly is going on. You don't sound too well." Steven said.

I knew it was time to tell him everything. I could no longer put on the strong act.

"I haven't been able to eat anything since you left. I can't keep anything down. I can't even sleep without crying myself to sleep." I confessed.

Steven sighed.

"(Y/n), if I told you that I'd be there tomorrow to pick you up, what would you do?" He asked.

I thought for a moment before giving him an honest answer.

"I'd help you pack."

"I'll be there tomorrow.: Steven said.

And he was. He knocked on my dorm's door, and I instantly opened it. He engulfed me in a hug and kiss my head.

"I am so proud of you." He told me.

"Why?" I asked sadly. "I'm dropping out of college after only three days. I'm a failure."

Steven let me go and looked into my eyes.

"No you're not. You are so strong. You made the hard choice of leaving here."

"I'm not going to be able to do anything with my life now." I said.

"Sure you will." Steven said. "Your anxiety might not let you go to a college campus, but you can still take online classes like me."

Steven looked around my room.

"C'mon. Let's get everything packed up." Steven said.

We got everything packed up and ready to go. Steven drove us back to his house and pulled me into a hug.

"I love you so so so much." He said.

Being back at home, with Steven, with my family, made everything feel 100 times better.

A/N:
This is actually based off of my three day college experience. I actually couldn't eat or sleep and I had several panic attacks. Because of that, I had to drop out. I decided to set up a Patreon if any of you guys wanted to help. You don't have to, it's just an option. I'm not going to force you guys to give me money. I'm still going to keep writing, no matter what happens. Thank you guys for everything. 

https://www.patreon.com/maskedwriter