| LUCID |

Chapter | Six

Alex

I stepped back into Ethan's room with him in front of me. He looked to the side, and I saw a look of accomplishment on his face- like he never thought he'd actually get me up here. My eyes still feel heavy. His bed looks beyond appetizing right now. This week has sucked the life out of me. On top of regular school work and Jordyn, Ethan has been driving me crazy. Just him sending me glances from across the room right now is making my body light up. 

"You can sit, you know," He told me and pointed at the bed. I sat down reluctantly and watched him take a seat on his bedroom floor. I'm trying to keep my eyes on the rubric in my hand, but I feel his eyes. I finally look up- and as I thought, his eyes were locked on me. His lips pulled into a smile before he looked back down at his paper. He is ridiculous. 

"What do you want to start with?" I asked, letting out a breath. I was uncomfortable under his constant stare. I can't sit in silence anymore.  

"Let's start with the paper part, then we can make the actual baby." I could hear his smile when he said the second part. I rolled my eyes at his immaturity and nodded in agreeance. My body can't help but notice how comfortable this bed feels. I try my best to focus as I glanced back down at the different science terms and prompts we needed to complete.

It's been about 12 minutes and all Ethan has been doing is lying on the floor and staring at the ceiling. "What color eyes do you have Ethan?" I asked him impatiently, lifting my head up from my paper. I was laying on my stomach at this point, filling out the worksheet for both of us. 

He sat up on his elbows and said, "Come over here and see for yourself," His voice was teasing and inviting. I let out a breath of frustration before getting up. I'm not going to give him the satisfaction of thinking I'm going to give into him, or that I'm scared. I know what game he's playing, and I'm determined to win. I crawled in front of him and lightly grabbed his face to bring his eyes closer to mine. For once he was the one with a shift in attitude. His breathing stopped in front of my eyes and he grew nervous. I have an effect on him, nice to know. I let go of his face after a moment and picked my pencil and paper up like nothing happened.

"Brown with green specks," I spoke aloud as I wrote it down on our paper. He cleared his throat and looked away from me quickly. I laughed quietly to myself where he couldn't hear. I guess two can play this game after all.  

"Okay, Ethan it's now, 11:37. I'm going home." I announced while standing up from the bed. I was beyond exhausted. I began gathering my papers and my car keys before his annoying voice broke me from collecting my items. 

"Or.. you could stay?" He countered, looking up at me hopefully. His brown eyes were truly desperate. I know it's just for sex, but there's a sliver of me that swears I see desperation for something more. 

"Sorry, I'm not that easy." I replied lightly, sending him a fake pout. His eyebrows raised and fell, before he looked down at the ground with a small smile. 

"I know, Alex." He whispered before getting up to follow me. 

I made my way down the stairs with Ethan coming behind me. When I got back into the living room I saw Grayson dead asleep on the couch. His legs were bent and he was curled up with his hands under his face. I grabbed the blanket he covered me with earlier and threw it across his body. I smiled at how much tamer he is sleeping than awake. When he's awake he wreaks havoc. Ethan sent me a sideways glance when I turned around. I shrugged it off and walked toward the door. 

 "Thank you for the pizza." He smiled. That freaking smile. He opened the door for me, causing cold air to greet my body. 

"I would say you're welcome... but." I responded causing us both to laugh. I'm not sure we will ever cease to argue.

"So, I'll text you?" He questioned, leaning his body against the door frame. I couldn't help but look at how good his body looked- or ignore how easy it would be to do anything he said. His words are so smooth and easy to get lost in. I just need to hold my composure. 

"Goodnight, Ethan." I sent him one last smile before I walked to the driveway. I didn't hear the door close until I opened my jeep door. I took a deep breath as I began to drive home. He makes me feel things I cannot even begin to unpack. He's extremely attractive- to the point where I find myself watching him from across class now. Thank goodness he hasn't caught me, or I'd never hear the end of it. When he talks, I feel like I don't let a word get by where I'm not enticed. When he touches me, my entire body feels consumed in the moment. A loud beeping sounded behind me, causing me to blink a few times. The light was green, I must have missed it. I shook my head at myself and hit the gas. Is this what he does? Is this the exact way he gets girls into bed? I know I may be taking longer than he's used to, but I can't help but feel vexed. I don't want to give in to such human and girl impulses to be hurt. I've always wanted to save myself for someone I actually care about... and I don't care if anyone thinks it's silly. Ethan is not one of those guys. Of course I get tempted. I get tempted with him more than I will ever admit to him. I just need to stay true to myself and what I want- not what he wants. I kept repeating that to myself as I pulled into my driveway. 

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Walking into school today feels a lot harder than usual. It's one of those days where I know I should have stayed home for everyone else's well-being. My brain doesn't feel like it's functioning today at all. Every negative thought known to mankind is swirling around in my brain. Insecurities, what ifs, and darkness. When it happens, I can't ever get it to stop. I arrived at my locker and started putting my books for my later classes in there. I glanced at my locker door and saw the picture of me and my mom hanging there. It was my tenth birthday party. She was sitting beside me, looking bored as ever. I had the biggest smile on my face while I looked down at the Walmart cake in front of me. At 10 years old, I didn't see the signs that she didn't want to be there, but now it's clear after she left. It was just her, Ryan, and I, but I was so happy. Now I can't stand birthdays. Thanks, mom. 

She left me. I'm pathetic for keeping it there. I slammed my locker in frustration. I just wish I could get a moment of silence. I leaned my head against the cold metal and waited for the bell to ring. Before I got a moment of peace, my phone vibrated in my pocket. 

# - are you good?

me - who is this?

# - Grayson. I got your number from E's phone.

why is he texting me? more importantly, why does he care?

*creates contact*

me - yeah I'm fine.

asshole # 2 - k.

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Short chapter :)

vote or whatever <3