If Only

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The air is getting colder and duller as each minute passes by. The sounds of the ticking of the clock and our teacher's firm voice are the only sounds I can hear. I open my eyes. There are almost 40 of us inside but none of us make a sound. Almost all of us are pretty drained already and are wanting to go home.

Meanwhile, I, on the other hand, am itching to touch my phone at this moment to text my lovely lady, "I'm on my way."

Suddenly, as if on cue, the image of her and her smile enters my mind. Her image is very vivid and realistic.
I drift off and imagine her with me. Now, I can also hear her lecturing me about figurative languages, parts of speech and sentence structures. Our class today is English, but I do not feel the same curiosity and enthusiasm.

Right now, I can feel her hand caressing my chest like she always does. She feels my heartbeat and synchronizes it with hers. Her hand will slowly travel down to reach my hand. Now, I can feel her soft porcelain hands.

I really can't wait to see her.

The teacher slams her book loud enough for us to hear. She looks at us with dismay and, without another word, leaves us, her stilettoes echoing as she walks away.

My classmates automatically stands up amd stretch to wake their sleeping muscles. I immediately get my phone and open my lady's text.

"Where are you?" it says. I can almost hear her voice.

"I'm on my way," I almost replied. Good thing I didn't.

My groupmate approaches me and says, "Don't go home yet. We'll have to finish this by today."

I look at the stack of papers he holds up in front of me. I calculate the time we're going to do this. I check the clock. It's already 7 P.M.

"Sure, just give me a moment," I hesitantly say to him.

I turn back to my phone and type sadly, "Still at school. I'm sorry. I can't go with you today."

A few minutes pass when she replies, "It's alright. I'll see you tomorrow. I'm going home now. I love you! ❤"

Although I can hear the calmness of her voice, I know deep inside she's sad and disappointed. I have to make it up to her tomorrow.

After receiving her reply, I immediately go to work with my groupmates. We are the only ones left in the classroom. The sounds of the clock and the typing on the keyboard fills the heavy atmosphere around us.

Little did I know, the sound of screeching cars and sirens are filling the silence on the outside.

Suddenly, my phone rang. Everyone in the room gets startled. I look at my phone and it only displays a number. It's not registered on my device.

My heart, for no particular reason, starts beating wildly as I answer the call and say, "Hello?"

When I hear the speaker's voice, I immediately know what has happened.

I close my eyes shut as tears escape from it, running towards my cold cheek. The voices of my classmates asking my state makes me cry harder. I can't accept it. I still can't accept it.

As I close my eyes, I hear their muffled voices fade. Now, I can feel the already-cold-air is getting colder and duller as each minute passes by. The sounds of the ticking of the clock and our teacher's firm voice are the only sounds I can hear. I open my eyes.

As everything happens as it should be, I hold on to the image of my lady smiling. I continue to feel her hand. The need to see her that moment fills me up, but I can't move a single muscle.

Instead, I watch everything go as they are planned. I regret not having to see her on my first decision. Now, I can't change that anymore. I'm stuck.

I close again my eyes as the news of my lady's death sinks inside me, the muffled voices of my groupmates fades away and the sound of ticking returns once again.

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