Rainy Days [Poetry]

Tired

please don't read this if you know me IRL, I just wanted to rant a little but I didn't want to bother anyone bc I doubt they'd be interested :"

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24/2/19
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I'm tired. I'm tired of how I never speak the truth anymore. I'm tired of the entwined webs of lies I have built for myself, because I've gotten tangled in it.

I'm tired of falling asleep in class too. No one thinks I care much about my education, but they don't see the work I put in. They don't see anything much, really.

I'm tired of school. I'm tired of being confined for hours in an establishment where we have to get into groups, because I don't even have a group I can trust in.

I'm tired of pretending to be someone else. I'm tired of pretending that I'm fine when they never seem to notice me. I'm tired of smiling when they walk past me. I wish I could really feel safe, but I never do.

I'm tired of being nice. I want to be nice, I always have. But a part of me wonders if I would've been more well-liked if I wasn't.

I'm tired of being the last wheel, the last resort. I'm tired of having no one to trust. I'm tired of being shoved around, and pretending that I don't mind.

I'm tired of worrying. I'm tired of being scared in front of an audience, but I can't help it. And it's brought me nowhere, because I know I'd be able to do it, but no one would be willing to give me a chance.

I'm tired of wondering if my friends would abandon me, because I know they don't deserve it. They were a perfect group until I came in and ruined it all just for myself.

I'm tired of thinking. If only it could go away, I think, but I don't want to be a mere robot brain.

But that's all I am, right? A robot brain with an affected heart.

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despite this being an old piece of writing, things haven't changed much. however, it's the last week of school now, and i'm so thankful that i've made it through! thank you to everyone that has made this journey a little more bearable :')

sorry for these rants, the next update will be a poem! i just didn't want to keep this in my drafts. anyway, have a nice day :) take care !! <3