Rainy Days [Poetry]

Until Death

a/n - this is the second day of not really being productive - and although i know that hours aren't everything, i just don't feel happy with myself when i don't study ?? and then now i'm starting to get sick + i look (and sound) like an old hag so things definitely aren't too good !! i do hope this poem is decent though :) thank you for reading this weird rant :''

_

what would it mean to you?

what would it mean to you
if i had thin pale lips
a small smile that’s a grey hue
would you care for it,
or would i be too much for you?

what would it mean to you
if my eyes got tired and lost their light?
would you care? would you sleep at night?
would you say goodbye when i lose my fight?

these thoughts haunt me
a sober blue, with no clear rule
to keep me going, to keep me happy
if life’s meant to be good, why is it so snappy?
why am i starting to find fault in you?

it’s not that i hate you - my heart still finds love
i still find doves in the backyard, but no longer two
have you flown away from Fidelity?
am i just too much for this organized society?
i can’t think of a reason, my heart’s drowned in emotions
please, come back, i’ll do anything to find hope in you
i’ll do anything to try to get you to stay true

because i’m getting sicker, day by day
soon, i’ll be nothing but a dead person in a grave
my coughs no longer ring out with grace
i don’t know how to handle this but i’ll try anyway
i’ll keep my faith in you until the end of the day

i know it’s useless - i’m not as young as i used to be
i’m no longer as spirited as all the other girls you see
but despite that, i’ll keep you in my mind until the end
i’ll cook you dishes with my shaking, fragile hands
and although you’re too far away to taste them
i’ll still pretend you’re tasting them anyway

perhaps my life has just become a fever dream
but so what? life is just a devil that’s lost its scream
and it’s too late to defend it, so i fall prey to it
i’ll hug it to me until body and spirit split
i’ll hug it to me until i become an unspoken tragedy
_

this title isn't very suitable but oh well :( if anyone has suggestions, I'd love to hear them !! have a wonderful day + take care <3