Rainy Days [Poetry]

Funeral

"i'm sorry."
the words echo
this is not
a freak show
but it still
feels like it
so inexplicably
insane.

i want you.
i want to feel alive.
my words come out
half-hearted
a torn syllable
in a world where i
am now rendered
unneeded.
I'll never be loved.

please come back
teach me how to love
the world and its stars
you were my constellation
but now you're nothing
but dust, clouding
my world and telling me
that i was never enough
I'll never be enough

and all
these condolences
they haunt me.
who knew you had
so many relatives?
yet they just come and go
never really present
just floating about
in a broken world
where true love is
nonexistent
I'll never feel alive again.

why did you
have to leave?
i thought I'd be enough
but your mother's
ghost of a smile
says otherwise.
how long have you
been planning this?
was i just a toy
was i just there
so you could enjoy me?
I'll never be worthwhile.

and yet
your light still lingers
a broken piece
of a photograph
i'll never own
do you remember?
do you remember
how we would walk
entwined hands
dancing on a sidewalk
and how you would
smile at me, saying
that was the star
to your cosmic entity
I'll never forget this.

i don't know why
you left. i never will.
i feel like i'm reaching
out for a ghost that
will never feel real.
but your eyes still pierce
mine, a sharp blue
in a blurry world
and it is then i break down
tears destroying my will
to live. i'm floating
and i think i'll make it
back to you, my love.

but gravity pulls me down
"stop that," it shouts
as i am overwhelmed
with dizzying purples
and it is then i realize
this is not a dream
but a horrific reality
it buzzes in my ears
and i cannot help
but scream, terrified
by the thought of
a world without you
please don't let this be real.

but it is real.
so unexpectedly real.
twisting and turning
as i can't help but fall
my words are whispers
in this cold, starry night
it kills me and hits me
and i succumb to my plight
my family tells me
''it's okay, you'll be alright",
but how would they know?

you were my light
a beautiful satellite
with a sunshine smile
and a drive like fire
how will i move on?
how will i move on
from your corny jokes
and awkward laughs
and how you'd
paint the window
and our wilting greens
to capture this love
so effortlessly?
that's right, i never will
i can't just cry and move on
not when i've forgotten
how to live without you
please be my sunshine again

because their words
feel like shattered glass
and their smiles convey pity
i hate thriving under such
false, fake sympathy
i just want your words
your smile, your laughter
i want to hold your hand
and dance with you
under stars and kindness
i just want to feel again
but i never will find that
because fate is cruel
and it will never forget
but i'll treasure you.
you're always be my dear
until the end, don't ever fear
i may never make it back to you
and I'm so sorry for that
please don't forget me.

because you are
a broken piece of my heart
and i'll remember you
even when i feel numb
and though you've faded away
my love for you never will
please hold on, my darling
it'll be alright, i promise
just wait till i grow old
for one day we'll be together
i don't care about the odds.
_

the ending was horrid, sorry :( thanks to Domysticphan for offering help - i didn't end up using their lines but it gave me a little inspiration :') this is kind of about what would happen if a loved one died? it hurt writing this, but i hope it was alright  !! have a wonderful day or night ahead :)