Not Really There | FILLIE

two - waves

song - Waves by Dean Lewis

~"But there, is a light
In the dark, and I feel its warmth
In my hands, and my heart
Why can't I hold on?"~

She knelt down beside Finn that morning while he slept, running her eyes over all of his features. He looked so alive and warm that she couldn't help but want to touch him, feel the warmth of his skin making her feel more alive. She missed human connection most of all, being able to talk to somebody and have them reply, to have someone look and truly see her instead of just looking right through her. She missed being in the arms of someone else, whether it was family or friends or something more. She wanted to be like everybody else, knowing that she no longer had any choice but to watch his life continue without her. 

Finn's eyes fluttered open, unraveling a dark ocean with waves so deep that she almost got caught in them. For a split second, she gasped as his eyes stared back at her, almost as if he was looking directly at her for once. Her lifeless-heart felt like it skipped a beat, only to deflate inside her chest once his eyes glanced to the other side of the room as if nothing had happened. 

Millie watched Finn with a sad expression, his lips cast downwards in a frown as he rested his chin on his hand. He looked so lonely although he was surrounded by his friends, and unknowingly, he had Millie there to watch over him. Finn sighed as his friends droned on about all of the things that he didn't care to waste his time on, wishing that he could think of an excuse to send them all away. Millie hated when they came over, he usually invited them every few days and they would treat the house like it was their own, constantly making a mess for Finn to clean up. She felt her fists clench at their rudeness. 

"Hey, Finn!" Caleb yelled suddenly, "you got anymore chips? I'm starving."

Finn spoke in a matter of fact tone. "You ate them all."

"Oh, whatever."

They went back to ignoring him and Millie clenched her jaw, wishing that she could say something to knock some sense into them. She was disappointed that Finn never seemed to do anything about it, never saying anything about their behavior and constantly ready to clean up any mess that they made before his parents came home. They were rude and loud, using Finn's house as somewhere to hang out with its expensive gadgets and fancy decor. Millie always wondered if they only liked him because of his wealth. 

She glanced at Finn's bored expression, void of any emotion as he strummed along to his guitar. His friends continued chatting, ignoring his presence and she almost wanted to smack Finn over the head, forcing him to realize how toxic his friends were. 

"You really need to get some new friends" she muttered to him. "God, Finn."

When he didn't answer like usual, she turned back to his useless group of friends. There was Caleb, the loudest and most rude one out of the three, always stealing the food and talking loudly on the phone. Her gaze floated over to Gaten and Noah, followers of Caleb who stuck to his every word like they were afraid of him, like nobody else mattered. 

"Yo, Finn...can I get my boys to drop stuff off downstairs?" Caleb asked. 

Finn straightened up. "Your stash? No!"

Caleb rolled his eyes. "Why not? Your parents aren't even home..."

"Maybe because he isn't a delinquent like you" Millie snapped, wishing that the boy could hear her as he picked up his bag. 

Finn stuttered and stood up to follow him. "C-Caleb, you can't-"

"Why not?" Caleb raised an eyebrow. "What do you think will happen? All they need to do is drop the stash off, I have already paid them. I'm busy after this and we could even have some fun here...come on, Finn."

Finn hesitated and Caleb smirked. 

"Finn!" Millie's eyes widened. "You don't have to do everything that he says! Tell him to get his drugs somewhere else, your parents could be home any minute-"

Neither boys heard her voice, carrying on. "I'll tell him that we will be down in five" Caleb patted Finn on the back with a smirk, "Thanks, man."

"Finn, no" Millie yelled after him. 

As if he could almost understand that something was wrong, Finn bit his lip gently in thought before groaning, following the others reluctantly. Millie yelled after him, wishing that she could follow but knowing that she couldn't go past the front door. She pleaded with him down the stairs and through the kitchen, wishing that he would show his friends that they didn't own him and that he wouldn't follow their every order.

But nobody could hear her. 

...

He came back home alone, with a busted lip and a black eye forming. His body looked weak and he spluttered as he tried to cough, holding his hand over his mouth harshly. Millie watched carefully, almost nibbling her nails down completely with worry as he washed his sore face. He winced, inwardly thinking that he should have listened to his gut, that it was a bad idea going and meeting some strangers that now knew where he lived. They had used the weak one as leverage, immediately sensing Finn's nerves and using that to get more money out of Caleb as they beat him. As soon as he stumbled in, Millie nearly rushed over to help him stand but knew deep down that she couldn't. 

He took awhile in the bathroom, trying to clean up his face without his parents noticing anything to be worried about. Millie felt a heaviness settle into her heart, knowing that they probably wouldn't even look at him long enough to see the damage. 

When he sat down at his desk to do some school work, Millie hovered beside him with sad eyes, wishing that she could somehow help. She sat on top of his desk beside where he was working, staring at the bruise swirling into his freckled pale skin. Instead of the usual constellation that she adored, it was interrupted by disgusting trails of green and yellow and it made something feel wrong deep inside of her heart. 

"You're not like them, you know?" she mumbled softly, hovering her hand over his skin as he looked down at his paper. "You're better than all of that."

Before she could move her hand away, Finn turned his head and his cheek accidentally brushed against her hand. Millie had imagined many times what it would feel like to touch him, to feel his warm skin against her lifeless form and if she would be able to feel anything in the first place. She thought that it would remind her of how useless she was, how she wasn't even breathing anymore and how she didn't have any connections to this world anymore. But as soon as she felt his warm cheek graze her fingers, she felt electricity move between her fingertips, warming up the numbness as if he was bringing her back to life with his touch. 

Finn's eyes widened and he stumbled back instantly, his chair crashing down to the floor. He had felt the strange touch, not like anything he had felt before and it had made him almost jump out of his skin. He looked around at the empty room, still unable to see the girl in front of him. 

"What the hell? he breathed. 

xxx

Well...things are about to get interesting. I'm not sure how I feel about this so far but I promise it will get better with time and I am so excited to continue it. I will be updating in a couple of days, perhaps even tomorrow so stick with it, I promise it will get more interesting and intense with every chapter!

Leave a comment, let me know if you like where it is heading and what you think will happen next! It makes my day to read your comments and remember that if you need anything at all, I am always here for every single one of you<3

~Jodie