Not Really There | FILLIE

four - the night we met

song - The Night We Met by Lord Huron 

~"Take me back to the night we met
I don't know what I'm supposed to do
Haunted by the ghost of you
Oh, take me back to the night we met"~

Millie looked down at their hands touching, wishing that he could see what she did. Although she couldn't be physically closer to him, she still felt like they were worlds apart, like she would never be able to truly connect with him as long as she was dead. She felt stupid for ever thinking that perhaps she could help him feel less lonely, she was not someone that could be his friend or someone that he could rely on. Finn's hand was warm and alive, blood flowing throughout his veins as his fingers connected with hers. It was hard to look at their hands and realize that she was not really there with him, and that she never would be. 

"I-I, uh..you can move your hand now" she stumbled over her words. 

He held on tight. "No! I..uh- want to know where you are when I'm talking to you...just stay here for a few moments."

She obeyed, looking down at their hands with a small gulp. 

Finn didn't know what to say, his eyebrows furrowed as he tried to work out what he should ask first. He had no idea what he was doing or what would come out of talking to this girl that he couldn't really see, but in that moment he tried to put it out of his mind. When talking to her, it was hard not to imagine her as alive, she sounded so sweet and alive to him although her voice was barely a whisper in the air. 

"Do you know why you're here?" he glanced up weirdly, his eyes wishing that they could focus on hers. "Do you know me personally or something? I-I mean...did you? Because you're a...."

"Ghost?" she helped out gently. "You can say it, you know?"

He winced. "Sorry."

She took a deep breath. "No, I have no idea why it led me here. It was like one day I ended up here and I can't remember anything else...I don't remember dying or anything like that. I don't recognize you but you're around my age..so I really don't know why I'm stuck here."

"Stuck?"

She nodded. "Yeah, it's like I'm connected to you. I can't leave this house and for a while I couldn't even leave your room, I can only follow you around. It's like something is tying me here, like there is something I'm attached to."

"And you don't know why?" he frowned slightly. 

She looked down. "No. I was hoping that you could help me figure that out, you know? Help me work out why this happened?"

Finn stumbled over his words. "But I can't even see you! H-How am I supposed to-"

She moved her hand away sharply and he sucked in a breath, trying to reach back for her but failing miserably. He looked at the space before him with pleading eyes, as if asking her to touch his hand again, as if it helped to convince him that this was all real. It sent a jolt through her lifeless heart when his eyes met for a second every so often, never able to focus on one place. It felt so different from when she saw her appearance in the mirror, because this time it was like someone else was looking back at her. For those few moments, it felt like perhaps she was alive again, and it made a heaviness settle inside of her chest. She was quiet for a while and he didn't say a word, not wanting to scare her off. 

"W-What do you look like?" he tried. 

Her voice turned sharp. "Really?"

Finn sighed. "I'm just trying to picture you..it might help in case I remember seeing you from anywhere. What if I used to know you?"