Not Really There | FILLIE

eight - grace

song - Grace by Lewis Capaldi 

~"I'm not ready to be just another of your mistakes
Don't wanna let the pieces fall out of place
I was only just a breath removed from going to waste
'Til I found salvation in the form of your grace"~

As Millie watched Finn wake up, she turned away at the last second so that he wouldn't know that she was looking at him. He glanced at her with a frustrated sigh before walking off to the bathroom without another word, Millie gulping slowly at the horrible feeling inside of her. It was worse than the loneliness that she was used to, every second passing by slower than usual as if time would no longer keep moving.  She had always been alone, but somehow not having Finn made her feel more alone than she had ever felt in her life. 

As Finn got ready for school, she sat in silence not knowing whether she should try and say something. He barely looked at her as if he was trying to pretend that she was there, maybe he preferred it when he didn't know that she was watching over him. 

"Can I come with you?" she asked quietly. 

Finn frowned slightly, finally turning around to look at her. "Of course, why wouldn't you come with me again?"

She shrugged. "You're mad at me."

He sighed, turning around and sitting down on the bed beside her. She refused to look at him but he kept his voice soft, trying to show her that he was sorry, that he just didn't know how to show it very well. He had struggled to sleep that night, constantly wishing that he could see Millie and apologize to her, feeling like he had crossed a line with her. He knew that she had every right to be sensitive and disappointed in the cards that she had been dealt, and he should have been more understanding instead of getting angry. 

"I'm not mad" he shook his head, "I'm sorry that I ignored you, I just didn't want to deal with what you said, I didn't want you to give up. I couldn't sleep last night...I felt really bad for being so horrible to you."

"It's okay..." Millie mumbled. "I was being cruel too, I'm sorry."

He was still in awe at what a kind heart she had, no matter how much pain she had been through she always knew how to be kind to others. He wished that he knew how to have her strength to carry on, her smile that lit up the room despite how many tears she had surely cried. She was so happy at the same time as being so sad. No matter how much darkness consumed her every thought, she somehow still shined so bright.

Finn grinned at her softly, picking up his bag and holding out a hand for her to take. At her confused face, he tilted his head towards the door. 

"Shall we?"

...

When they got to the school, Finn was trying to think of a way in which they could get the key to the other cupboard, the one that housed all of the contact information about the students. He felt awkward asking Millie to somehow distract them, knowing that they couldn't see her why she grabbed the key for Finn to take. As they were walking up to school office, Finn often glancing at her to make sure that she was okay, somebody else tapped him on the shoulder. Because of everything going on in his life, he nearly jumped out of his skin only to turn around and see a familiar face. 

"Oh, hi Sadie" he mumbled gently. 

The girl had long red hair, falling down her arms in perfect waves almost like a waterfall against her skin. Her eyes were bright blue, small freckles coming to a stop between the bridge of her nose, her smile bright and kind. Millie frowned slightly, nodding to the office at Finn who awkwardly smiled at Sadie, trying to make sure that he didn't seem weird.